Birth

re-write of "What We Haven't Done"

Birth

 

I had listened to the wolves cry

to the dim light of the moon

more then I had listened to the birds sing

as their music sent me dancing in my dreams.

 

I had watched the sun set

more often then I had seen it rise

restlessly raining red, painting the sky.

 

I once saw the world as dead;           

I watched it die more often

then I had looked at a sky and felt alive.

 

I had never seen a bird fly,

but I had watched autumn leaves fall

down halls of wind, disappearing

into tunnels of dim light.

 

My heart had yet to beat with passion,

but I felt detachment from the Earth,

like my feet didn’t belong on the dirt.

 

I was a part of a herd, a cow licking blades

of grass in balding pastures as I saw horses

glide out in the open while I cowardly crouched

and hid beneath the fences of that field.

 

I set sail from the shores of nature,

fleeing to the island of darkness,

but then Earth cast a storm, sinking my ship,

causing me to retreat back to her floor.

I struggled to place my feet upon the sand;

Learning to appreciate each breath I took.

 

My soul then told me-

“Embrace the grace of the grass,

play with the petals that have settled into the soil

for they toiled against storms to glimmer

with natures light, flickering from each beat of its pulse.

It won’t always be here for you to hold dear,

So cling to the flame of the exquisite without shame.”

 

I drew the curtains from my heart.

Time was ticking quickly,

The trees were fleeing right before me.

I wanted to hold onto the world forever

And never forget the tints that glinted

Like the sun against pale snow in a soothing glow.

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

Wow,this is tremendous. Your writing is always sophisticated and thought provoking. Very interesting subject also - I think many of us find it easier sometimes to embrace the darkness than the light. You have a great clarity of thought to be able to consider this fact, and to express it so well and in such detail. What does it mean for our species, that we have this attraction for darkness, destruction, and things which represent those? Is it ultimately, our fear of death that draws us to sunsets, the howl of the wolf, autumn leaves? For me this poem discusses our inherent morbidity as a species, and also, our inability, in many cases, to connect directly with beauty. Sometimes we have to face that fear, our fear of death, directly, before we can truly appreciate the beauty of the world. Love the content of this poem. It's original, and intellectually challenging. You are one of my favorite writers Cassandra!

I think the cow / horse metaphor is particularly interesting as a representation of humanity, and the most interesting point for me, is that when the horse runs free, gliding in the open, it is usually under the guidance and direction of a human. Nobody rides a cow. I'd have to think about this more, but it's a really unusual and meaningful observation.

Your structure and word choices are gorgeous too. The first four verses, each mirroring and building on the other, are a perfect introduction to the concept. Verses 5 and 6 I see as a sort of "bridge", an awakening, and verses 7, 8 and 9 are a powerful and fully blooming conclusion.

There are so many instances of beautiful writing here, but the dialogued section in Verse 8 ("Embrace the grace.....") is absolutely classic. It is almost, standing alone, a prayer, or a mantra. Immaculately written! :-)

[Brie]

Such a beautifully detailed poem! There's something about breaking free and expanding horizons that produces beautiful words.

[Kaitlyn]

this is great! i like it. It is very detailed.

[SilentLullabies]

Wow, so beautiful and descriptive. I love how the speaker goes from dead to alive, from being blind to the world's beauty to seeing it through renewed eyes.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think I have already read this....it sounded so familiar...regardless, it's a great piece well worth reading again! OHHHH I see, a revised version! Ha! I KNEW I had read this! Got a memory like an elephant! lol

[MuSe Ampoule]

Great as a 2nd version...I was reading this and was thinking...I thought I reviewed this already...I reviewed your previous version. You can do no wrong by me, you know that so this is just as wonderful as the predecessor. A cause to struggle to see life for what it is, to embrace and revel in its splendor no matter how trivial.

Wonderful.

A suggestion, really the only thing I noticed:
"more then I had listened to the birds sing" then/than ...same with 2nd stanza

[sarah]

This is truly a piece of art! great job

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Breath-taking! Loved the imagery! Everyone should embrace life to the fullest!

[Erotic Goddess]

This was beautiful...it had just the right tone to set the mood you were going for and you used language beautifully in this piece...what an amazing work here...glad that you sent this to me.

xxoxx

[KAREN]

I felt like I was in front of the tv watching all of this beauty unfold! EXCELLENT!!!!

[HopelesslyDevoted]

i love when poetry or stories start out with wolves, its just a little quirk of mine. but all in all this is a great poem! i really like it!