Translating poetry to ancient greek: What We Haven't Done

my new secret nerdy hobby- translating poetry to Ancient Greek. This is my translation of "What We Haven't Done", however, many changes have been undergone to write this.

Many changes have been undergone to translate this poem. It is only about half way translated so far (up until the fourth stanza) but I thought it would be cool to share a creation of my two favorite things- Ancient Greece and Poetry :)

The English translation-

"That of which i had not done"

I had listened to the cry of wolves

more then I had listened to the song of birds,

as their music sent me dancing in my dreams.

I had watched the sun set

more then I had watched it rise,

raining re, painting peace upon the sky.

I had watched nature's fire extinguish,

but I had never watched it sparkle.

I had watched waves collapse,

but I had never watched them rise.

I had never watched a bird fly,

but I had watched leaves fall.

I had loved the lips of death,

but rejected the lips of life.

I closed my eyes,

then my mind,

and then my heart.

I was sailing in the seas of disease,

to an isolated island of death,

but then nature sent a storm that broke my boat,

making me swim back to her shores.

My feet stepped onto the sand,

and I smiled from the soothing feel.

The sight of the endless sea made my blood run,

the light that shone from the sky warmed my shivering body,

the beauty of blossoms birthed a new me.

I could not believe that I had almost left this,

for grey clouds, hills of dirt, and naked branches.

I fell onto my knees and hugged the world,

and promised myself that I would never let go.

The "In progress" Ancient Greek translation-

ekekon mallon tous lukous dakreuin pros to phos to tes seleves 

e tote ekekn tous ornithas adein 

ws ten mousikev auton pempo ev ta ema enurnia or mon orchounta.

eorake mallon ton elion duein tote 

norake auton anatellein sdographoun ton ouranon.

eorake to pur to tes oikoumenes arosbennumi

alla ou eorake auton stilbein

eorake ta kumata sumpiptein

alla ou eorake auta evistenai.

ou eorake ornis epetenai

alla eorake ta phulla kata piptein

peiphileka ta chila ta tou thanatou 

alla apethesa ta philema ta tou biou.

ekeleia tous emes ophalmous kai ten emes kardian,

esdaon to emes bios en ton skoteinon 

mechri eleutheroumen upo ten phuseos.

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

This is very good, in the original english. It shines a light nicely on what people don't actively notice. They see it, but it doesn't move them, though it may be no less spectacular "I had watched waves collapse,
but I had never watched them rise."

Constructing works in other languages is a really fun exercise because it makes you re-evaluate how you think about what you're saying; where verbs and subjects are placed can completely change the feel of a thought...it helps to get in the mind of something other than yourself, something beyond the norm.

It's very good. When you have it translated, might I suggest that you have an image of the Greek characters (letters) also? It would be neat to have it there too.

[iamcarolfierce]

this made me pretty optimistic. i love this lines

"I could not believe that I had almost left this,
for grey clouds, hills of dirt, and naked branches.
I fell onto my knees and hugged the world,
and promised myself that I would never let go. "

[cassandra violet]

hahah actually Jonathan, I was hoping that someone would bring that up!! Ancient Greek is an entirely different language from English, not just in the most obvious such as language, but in this case (the reason why I wanted to translate it so badly) for verb tense as well. In Ancient Greek verbs have "moods" active, passive and middle. Active is doing something (I was freeing), passive is having something done to you (I was being freed), and middle something for your benefit or in your favor (i will free her (so that I may marry her, etc...).
An example of my rambling-
I fell onto my knees and hugged the world,
and promised myself that I would never let go.
when i translate these last two lines I plan to use the passive "fell" to indicate that the beauty of these sights made me fall to my knees and then "middle" for i would never let go to indicate that this learned beauty would add much benefit to my life.

[Jonathan]

I very much enjoy this story. It
Sounds as if a Greek warrior might have
Written it during his sea adventures. I
would also add that translating this to
Greek is quite interesting, but don't you
Think it will lose alot of meaning and passion
In doing so?

[Robin]

cool, usually it's the other way around ~