3/22 part 2

       Writing seems to help. Getting it all down and putting it out for others to see. I'm becoming myself again. Killing myself on paper is making it easier to deal with myself during the day. Maybe I should get up early and write down something murderous or suicidal so that I can get through the day.
       The doctors say that depressed people can't find joy in things they used to do. Writing isn't bringing me joy so much as sanity. Sanity may be more important than joy right now.
       Some people have been telling me that they like the way that I write and that I am a very good writer. I don't know how I feel about that but I don't care what they think because I'm not writing for them, I'm writing for me. I write because it makes more sense than holing myself up in my room contemplating suicide and death. I hope my child can see that I never meant it any harm...