Creative Cussin'

Good for lungs and blood circulation

Creative Cussin’

My topic tonight is Creative Cussin’.  Now, anyone who knows me, knows that my go-to feelin’ for stuff is anger.  Anger has kept me alive, afloat when the life jacket gets ripped away by the current, and just generally helps the blood circulation.  There are so many sad young people on this sight and while I have compassion for that, sometimes I just want to tell them to get mad… GET MAD.  Not tear up your stuff (or somebody else’s) mad.  Not break up with your significant other mad.  Not alienate your friends and family mad. Not pouting mad.  But life’s not fair and that should spark some kind of AAARGH!! response.  At least one.  You can cry yourself to sleep, but let out a blood curdling yell--just one.  It’s like aerobics for the mouth and lungs.  Just out of the blue let out mighty roar!  Scare the s**t out of the person next to you.  I promise you, the first thing you’ll do when that happens is…you’ll laugh.  I’ve scared more than my share of unsuspecting innocent by-standers and the looks on their faces have sent me into hysterics.  Really, I swear by it.

I do not recommend just releasing a stream of obscenities in mixed company or around children.  No, you will be escorted out or at the very least old ladies and young mothers will send you straight to hell with just a look.  No, the best place to cuss is in your vehicle"with the window up so’s nobody can hear you and get mad.  I have spontaneously spewed some truly note-worthy and award winning phrases"I suspect it’s my brand of poetry.  Driving around other people who think they can drive is the catalyst and I use these anonymous a**hats to rid myself of the day’s worries and cares.  They can’t hear you, nobody gets mad, and when you get really good at it, you will laugh. I’m freakin’ hilarious on Interstate 10.  By the time I get home, I’ve entertained (and impressed!)  myself with my creativity and the resulting belly laughs.  I’m relaxed, and just generally feel better, like a good work-out at the gym--Cardio Cussin’. 

The secret to the “creative” in cussin’ is getting out of your comfort zone.  The old stand-bys are fine to get started, but put as much thought into the phrasing and combinations as you do when you write your poetry…stringing words along to make mind pictures.  If you’re not comfortable with standard issue cuss words, get creative!   I have yelled at punks cutting me off with their big a** Hummers that their feet stank and they don’t love JEE-ZUS!  To say this with real flair, you must squint your eyes and make “The Screamer” face.  You.  Will.  Laugh. 

See, that’s the secret to the whole yelling and cussin’ discipline.  The more creative you get, the funnier you are to yourself and who can stay a Debbie Downer if you can make yourself laugh.

Jus’ sayin’….

Reviews

[MCS]

Swearing is actually a sign of more intelligence, not less according to scientist

[Carol Cashes]

I've always thought so. Using profanity in every day language is not the kind I am endorsing. I do, however, believe, that it has a place and purpose and the more inventive and original, well, as I say, I believe it is an art form.

[Samuel Dickens]

I keep my lingo pretty clean on this site, but am no amateur cusser, I tell you for sure. Readin n writin, I ain't got much education, but those twenty years in the Navy were like Harvard for cussing. (Said education began in boot camp, where I met an endless stream of butt-kickers who seemed to know my mother exceedingly well) And those blasted Hummers are too big! (I suspect they appeal to guys with tiny pee-pees)
A great read, my friend, and I shall try very hard not to drive too slow in front of you.

[Carol Cashes]

Laughing...I don't mind the slow drivers so much as those drivers who think their four-wheel drives will keep them safe in standing water or snow. That's just four wheels sliding instead of two.
*snort* Pee-pees!

[Ken Simm.]

I always thought Muttley in Wacky Races had it down pat.

[alanwgraham]

Great work. You've come up with a very humorous piece and there's a lot of truth in it. Sometimes you just have to let blast and you feel the better for it. I think your line 'really I swear by it' is great.
Regards,
Alan

[Carol Cashes]

Thanks for reading, and getting 'it". Yes, cussin' is the new "crying". Treat obstacles and the hopelessly ignorant like a stain and "Shout It Out!".