Pinhead Angels and Patron Saints

I never believed the question of how many angels fit on a pinhead was valid but research showed centuries of debate surrounding dogma and doctrine. Couldn't resist the urge to poke a little fun.

Pinhead Angels and Patron Saints

 

According to the American Institute of Physics, the number of angels that can dance on a pinhead is 10 to 64^th., and Rockette-style is 10 to the 32^nd.  They are wrong.  There is only room for six.

 

Leading the celestial troupe is Iofiel, Beauty of God.  She is, under the proper florescent lighting, multi-colored and as transluscent as the colors cast by the prism in your kitchen window on the white porcelain refrigerator at your house.  She can positively blind you under a black light.

 

Next, in seniority, is Kakabel, Star of God.  She shines best when Iofiel is farthest from her, as earth’s stars shine brighter without the influence of the sun.  She is quite shy and reluctant to take center stage, and no one minds.

 

Sachiel, Covering of God, originally wore elaborate costumes comprised mainly of fig leaves until she developed an allergic rash and now wears one single feather from the Bird of Paradise...in her hair.

 

Sariel, Fire of God, is a true living flame, and the troupe has learned to choreograph numbers where the others do not have to follow her footsteps.

 

Kafziel, Speed of God, moves so quickly she seems to disappear in one place, only to reappear somewhere else.    She is to the choreography of each number as punctuation is to grammatically correct writing.  She is also mischievous and provokes the others with her practical jokes.

 

Ananchel, Grace of God, appears to be liquid, so smooth are her movements, and she is, appropriately enough, covered in every shade of aqua and blue known to Man and a few thousand that Man will never see outside of Heaven.   She is also the troupe’s spokesangel, as she has the grace and manners to match any royal queen in  earth’s short history.

 

These six have been dancing on the Proverbial Pinhead for a millennia, or at least as far back as the first debate among the elders concerning the number of angels that could dance on a pinhead.   No one can remember exactly how this subject was introduced, or it’s relevance to anyone’s Orthodox Rules to Live and Breathe By.  But certain enterprising young saints, now currently involved in more practical pursuits such as Stigmata Stain Removal, decided the Proverbial Pinhead was just the kind of place the downtown section of Heaven needed.  This was, of course, in the event that an elder actually qualified to pass through the Pearly Gates and needed to put to rest this burning question of Religious Dogma and Theory.  Also, provided that such an academic could negotiate the golden thoroughfares without being forever caught up in a rousing round robin of Best of the Cantor Hits through the Ages.

 

The Proverbial Pinhead serves the traditional loaves and fishes, but has recently expanded its menu to include vegetarian manna and tofu with sun-dried fig sauce.  Few vegetarians make it to heaven, hunger makes them mean-spirited, but the two true ascetics that frequent The Proverbial Pinhead made special requests and Martha, sister of Lazarus and Patron Saint of cooks and dieticians, and now Head Chef of The Proverbial Pinhead, felt obliged to comply with their humble request.  Now the two spend all their days gorging on manna and tofu and taking turns beating the holy stuffing out of each other.   Any elder who should stumble in may substitute the loaves and fishes for a bagel and lox.

 

There are a number of activities to enjoy at the Proverbial Pinhead.  They include the David and Goliath Rock Pits,  popular with the kids and small women, the Water Walk Pool, favored by clergy who barely squeaked in due to low marks on honest self-appraisal,  the Eden Park and Wildlife Preserve, and the Moses Mountain Climb and Tablet Toss.  Prizes range from chariot rides and authentic Joseph Multi-Color Coats to a luxurious pleasure cruise on the S.S. Ark.   Word on the gold-paved streets is the food aboard this historical craft is double portioned and there’s plenty of variety.

 

If you should make your way to downtown Heaven, go to the Straight and Narrow Causeway and hang a left.  If you find yourself in the Valley of Death, you didn’t hang a left, and should turn and run to the nearest King Solomon APM (Automated Prayer Machine) for guidance.

 

Reviews

[Shannon]

Very clever poking at those who spend time on thoughts that can neither be answered nor have any impact on those whose faith it concerns. This could be a travel brochure. Well written and clever.

[Carol Cashes]

I liked that - travel brochure. I may use that idea to expand this a little. Not today, but...read moreI liked that - travel brochure. I may use that idea to expand this a little. Not today, but...
Thanks for reading this little poke at those who cling fiercely to religious dogma.

[Samuel Dickens]

I'm thinking those medieval theologians are either quite pleased at you clearing it up, or else praying for a piece of space junk to fall on you. Fanciful, imaginative and very well done.
Did you make up the names?

[Carol Cashes]

No. I looked up angels and picked out the ones that would fit the rough idea in my head. Their fanciful descriptions, however, are all mine. Thanks for the read. I can be silly sometimes. Balance and all that, you know.