Happy Birthday Alpha Babe

It's Alpha Babe's Birthday...what else can go wrong?

Happy Birthday Alpha Babe

FADE IN:

EXT - BEACH - DAY

Jack, 30 and Jill, 30 are running out of the water.

Jill grabs a towel, wipes her taut body, then picks up some high-heeled sandals, straps them to her feet.

JACK:

Wow...did I tell you how hot you look in your new bikini?

Jill approves with a seductive smile. She rubs up against Jack as he dries his surfer style hair.

JILL:

I'm hungry. Let's go get some ice cream.

JACK:

Jill, it's getting cold and we need to warm up!

Jill turns her head, her yes widen...fear strikes her face.

CUT TO:

JILL'S POV:

An "angry mob" of starfish crawls along the surf. Hundreds of starfish - all shifting around - enclosing them.

BACK TO:

EXT - BEACH - CONTINUOUS

JILL:

Jack; look at the angry mob of star"fish". I think they wanna eat us. Let's hop onto our "flying bicycle" and blast them with our lazer beam.

Jack looks around - a strange look comes across his face.

JACK:

We don't have one, but look - we have a "pitchfork"!

JILL:

What are you doing with a pitchfork?

JACK:

Don't ask me...it's just here...just like those man eating starfish.

Jack thrusts the pitchfork into one of the starfish...it explodes upon impact.

JILL:

I'm gonna use my "surfboard" and whack this one on the head.

Jill repeatedly bashes the starfish until the board breaks.

The starfish falls into the sand and disappears - leaving a yellow slime on the sand.

JILL:

I don't think they are friendly.

JACK:

Run Jill, run...they're chasing us...

Jack and Jill jump onto the flying bicycles.

They hop onto the flying bicycles, hit the power and shoot up into the air.

Jill's sandal strap gets caught in the chain as she peddles.

Jack reaches to undo her strap from the gear...

EXT - SKY - DAY - CONTINUOUS

The angry starfish race towards them with all their tentacles stretching out, shooting an acid that dissolves everything it hits.

Jets of acid envelope them as they weave though the streams of biting liquid.

JILL:

My bike isn’t working right. Jack…help…

The bicycle sputters…Jill’s legs peddle faster.

One starfish grabs Jill by the leg.

She struggles as it wraps around her waist, it tries to throw her to the ground as they fly high above the ocean tide.

Jack pulls a "knife" from his waist belt, flings it towards the evil starfish, and misses.

JILL:

Where’s a "lifeguard" when you need one?

Jill unhooks a cell phone from her handlebars - begins dialing.

A nearby seagull flies past her, snatches the cell phone.

The cell phone slips from Jill's hands, falls into the waving "seaweed" below.

JILL:

I was hoping that this "birthday" would be fun.

JACK:

Yeah, "Alpha" babe...so was I. Oh, by the way...here's your birthday gift.

Jack pulls a "kid's plastic bucket and shovel" from behind his seat, gives it to her.

JACK:

Happy birthday babe.

Jill looks upset.

JILL:

What? What am I supposed to do with this?

JACK:

What were you expecting? A wedding ring? A car?

Jill takes the plastic bucket, swipes the starfish from her thigh and shoves it in the bucket.

She pops the bucket over Jack’s head, giving it a hard push to make it stick, and then jams the shovel in between the bike spokes.

Jack screams in pain.

JACK:

I can't see...it's eating my head...Jill...it's eating my head.

JILL:

Happy birthday babe? (beat) Come on starfish…it’s dinner time.

Flying blind, Jack crashes into a seagull, falls into the sand. The bike bursts into flames...a billow of black smoke fills up the sky as a mushroom cloud blankets the area.

The starfish on the beach in a mad rush engulf him…start eating his flesh.

Jack screams in pain.

Jack lies in the sand as hundreds of starfish devour his arms and legs.

JILL:

Yeah sweetie…I really did want a car!

FADE OUT:

 

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[Jimmy Greenie]

odd tale