Getting Lost Without Ever Leaving

I saw your Heartbeat last week
Pulsing through your whole Body
Threatening to burst at the slightest Touch
(You feel so strongly.)
(Why can't I?)


The Seams of us are fraying
I hide it from myself Time after Time
(You never notice.)
Every time I speak, I feel them become more delicate
Ripping apart into wispy Memories of how we used to be
I tuck the Threads under, until they're unseen
(I'm not very careful. It hurts to watch.)
They get caught
Hooked on Issues
Feelings
And Mistakes
Pulling them
Until
We
Unravel

Your Voice pulls me back from these blind, lost Thoughts.

Your Eyes are compelling
They challenge the Ocean
(They can threaten. I am intimidated.)
I want to stare into them for hours
Until we fade and I don't feel anymore
I could float aimlessly away with you
(If I don't think, they are beautiful, comforting even.)
Can I just get lost and stop trying to understand this
Fall into you
And stay
Until I'm in Control
Of my own Feelings
(Is that possible? Please say yes.)

Being with you, it shows my Weaknesses
My Cracks, Dents, and Scratches
The dull Color
Of the many Layers
I put over myself
So maybe
You will see
The best me there is
(Does that even exist?)

Your Hands are strong
Safe enough that I can't get hurt
I have a Home here
A Place to be okay
Hold me so I don't have to think
Maybe I can drown myself out
So I won't have these unwanted Feelings
When all I want now is to be near you
(I do, right?)
(Of course.)
We sit in Silence but I am screaming

I talk over my own Thoughts
Hitting Stone against Stone
Earnestly trying to ingrain a Shape that isn't there
Reminding myself that I am with you
And I want to be
(I do. I promise.)


Your Love is fervent, flaming, burning
While mine sizzles, barely a Flicker
(Our Sparks collide, only making Ash.)
(Why can't it be Fireworks?)


Like walking against the Current
I fight myself
(It's getting difficult.)


My Voice shakes as the Thoughts threaten to burst out
A torrent of a million Voices breaking out of Somewhere Unknown
(Why can't you hear?)
(Listen closely, already.)
I hear it roaring loudly
Rushing through me towards you
It turns into a Whisper
Dripping out with only Remains of what's inside
I can't get the Words out and you can't seem to catch the Drops of Thoughts into anything

They just fall through our Cracks
Eventually wearing away at us
You'll notice sooner or later the Flood hidden behind everything
Maybe then you'll understand what I mean
(You rarely do.)
(Neither do I.)
It's like we babble to each other in different Languages
My Words slowly dripping from the Rocks and Caves hidden away
And yours rushing in every different Direction
Each Thought running into another
Creating a massive Rapid
A mix of Chaos
Love
And Confusion

Am I broken or confused, incapable of understanding or trying the wrong way?

Do you know?
Something?
(I wish someone could.)
Anything??

I guess we'll just continue this
Until you notice
Or I understand the different Forces pulling me apart
(I love you.)
(You know that. Right?)
Maybe...
We are the Seams threatening to rip apart
We are the Chaos and the blazing Wildfire
We are the Stone breaking by trying to mend
We are the Blizzard covering the Truth
We are the Storm over the broken Sea
We can't understand ourselves or each other anymore
Could we ever?