From evil to triumph

first comes the suffering then the reward

The intense suffer

They bring nothing that leads them
from evil to triumph 

My soul wept with grief 
I thought I had lost the battle
But God's hand grasped me tight and 
I heard Him say "I've got you"
And I knew the war was over and
that love always wins

Reviews

[JayG]

• They bring nothing that leads them from evil to triumph

Since the reader lacks both context and knowledge of your intent, what can they make of this? An unknown number of unknown things didn’t bring-along something unknown, that would “lead them (?)” from some undefined thing that the author calls “evil” for unknown reasons? What can that mean to a reader? And, why is avoiding this unknown thing would be seen as “triumph,” rather than simply avoiding it? When I avoid tripping I don't see it as a triumph? For that there must be something to triumph over, and you've provided none.

It's meaningful to you, who know the story before you begin reading, of course, but meaningless to a reader.

The key is that your reader isn’t expecting to be informed, they want to be involved. So talking TO the reader is a mistake for two reasons.

First is that because you start out knowing what’s going on you’ll leave out things that seem obvious to you, but which the reader needs—as above.

And second, because you’re informing, not involving. You’re giving the reader no reason to care. But people want poetry to involve them, emotionally. They want to be made to care.

So write your poems from your own chair, of course. But ALWAYS, edit from that of a reader who has no context you don’t supply or evoke, and with the knowledge that there is no second, first-impression.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Caroline B A Maguire]

Thank you JayG for reading my poem..as you say it was written out of context but but personal to me so maybe it was one piece which I should not have submitted as in the editing of the first line I would take away from its meaning to me. I really appreciate your taking the time to write such a lengthy review..and I will take on board your criticism..I've only started writing my poetry this week so I'm new to the finer nuances.. thank you. C.