GONER

CONTENT WARNING: Strong suicidal ideation

Pills
Rattle
Down
My
Throat

I am a tuneless maraca
Shake me up and listen
To the sound of medication
Rapping up against my
Intestinal lining

Dance to the song
My stomach is writing
Hear the notes smeared
Together and move your
Body in rhythm with my
Convulsing

Foaming at the mouth
White bubbles of poison
Dripping down blue cheeks
My eyes roll back in my
Head and see stars erupting
A firework show just for me
Frying up my burning brain

When I die I don’t
Want to be asleep
I want to feel every last
Bit of oxygen
Squeezed out of me
I want to be watch my life
slip away in a hazy fever dream

Pills rattle down my throat
And you’re not here to see it
But I’m laying on the ground
Choking on my vomit
I didn’t say goodbye
Because it would just
Make everybody sad
But know that this is
The happiest moment
I’ve had

Author's Note

I promise I’m alright. I’m just in between psychiatrists right now and I’ll be off me meds for a bit. My head is a little murky and muddy right now, but I am safe.

Reviews

[angel]

Thank God, honey. I was reading along, becoming more and more concerned--more! I was getting really worried! Precious child, I don't believe you, or anyone else, really wants to die in such a manner. For me, a gentle slide in my sleep, seamless and silent, from lovely dream into infinity; but far in the future as possible, please.
I hope you won't stay off your meds for long. Stay, and share your words with us here.