Two Lines

Heaven takes a home pregnancy test

Chapter 3

 

      The next couple of months ran smoothly enough.  Luanne called periodically to check up on her, but other wise left her alone.  There were no more arguments about Heaven going to live with her grandmother, much to her relief.  

      Nick and Heaven had sex a few more times, but not frequently.  For some strange reason Heaven began to find herself tired every day.  Soon, she was throwing up and staying sick.  At first she thought she had the flu.  That was what it felt like certainly, but then it never did go away.  

      Two months after their first time together, Heaven swung by the drug store to shoplift an early pregnancy test.   She returned home that Wednesday night to take the test all without telling Nick what was going on.  There Heaven sat in the bathroom, waiting.   Minutes ticked by and finally she looked at the stick.  

      There were two lines.

      It was positive.

      “Oh crap,” Heaven muttered.   Now her whole life was ruined.   She couldn’t have a baby at sixteen years old.  How would she finish school and get a job?  She knew she couldn’t count on Nick to provide for them.  He hated his job and he was always looking at other women.  How long would it be before he quit his job and dumped her?   “Why me?” she cried to herself. 

      “Heaven!” Nick called.  “What are you doing in there?  I really have to go.”

      “Just a minute,” she replied

      Heaven took the test and the box and shoved it back in her backpack.  She flushed the toilet and unlocked the door.  She brushed past Nick on her way out.  He went inside and shut the door. 

      Heaven debated on rather to tell him or not while he was taking his time in the bathroom.  He could get mad at her or abandon her, but how long could she hide it?  She’d begin to show eventually and then it might be too late to get an abortion or give it up for adoption.  She wasn’t sure she wanted to keep it or not and she figured Nick had a right to put in his two cents.  He was the father after all. 

      Nick flushed the toilet and came out of the bathroom.  He kissed Heaven and asked what she wanted to do for dinner. 

      “I’m not hungry,” she said clutching her nauseated stomach.

      “You always say that, but then you eat like a pig when there is food before you.  Are you sick or something?”
      “Or something,” she said.

      “What’s that supposed to mean?”

       Heaven drew in a deep breath and reached for the test inside her bag.  She grabbed it and then showed it to him.

       “S**t.  Is that what I think it is?”

       “Yep.”

       “You’re…pregnant?”

       “So the test tells me.”

       “F**k.  I can’t afford no baby Heaven.  You know that.”

       “I know. I can’t afford one either, but here I am.”

      “How far along are you?”

      “Month and a half.  Maybe two months.”

      “Does anyone else know?”

      “Like who? My Mom.  Hardly.”

      “What about Julie and Renee and the rest of your friends.”

      “In case you hadn’t noticed, since we’ve moved in together, I haven’t spent much time with them.  So no.  I just took the damn test.  No one knows but the two of us.”

      “What are you going to do?”

      “I don’t know.  What do you want me to do?”

      Nick shrugged and said nothing. 

      “Guess I should go to the doctor tomorrow, make sure this wasn’t like a mistake or something.  And then we will go from there.”

      “So we aren’t telling people?”

      “Not yet.”

      “Do you need me to take you tomorrow?”

      “Yes,” she said taking the test from him and stuffing it back in her bag.  Then she went into the living room and picked up the phone.  She called Planned Parenthood and made an appointment.  The squeezed her in for 11am the next day.  When she hung she felt like kicking herself for not going to Planned Parenthood before she got pregnant.  It would have been a lot easier. 

       However, Heaven hadn’t really thought about sex or the consequences of having it.  Truthfully, she assumed that it wouldn’t happen to her�"that it took months and months of regular sex to conceive a child�"not a few drunken nights.  She had mostly gone along with it so Nick wouldn’t kick her out or break up with her.  Yeah, it had been fun enough.  But she hadn’t really been ready. 

      

       The test at Planned Parenthood was also positive.  The nurse came in and gave her the news and asked her what she wanted to do.  Heaven confessed that she didn’t know.  The nurse gave her pamphlets on being a teen mom, adoption and abortion all three.  They also referred her to an Ob-gyn in case she wanted to keep it.  She would need proper medical care for her pregnancy.  The nurse stressed how important the first few weeks and months were.  Heaven wasn’t supposed to drink or smoke or do any sort of drugs.  Tylenol was the only thing they said she could take for the cramps and they recommended saltine crackers for the nausea in the mornings. 

       Dazed and unsure of what to make out of her current predicament, Heaven nodded and thanked the woman.  She left the office and went back to the parking lot where Nick was waiting for her in his car.

       “So?” he asked.

       “I am definitely pregnant.”

       “How far along?”

       “About two months.  The nurse guessed my due date as August 2nd of next year.”

       “Wow.  I’m going to be a father.  Isn’t that wild?”

       “She told me that I couldn’t get an abortion passed the 3^rd month.  I need to decided soon if that is what I’m going to do.”

       “You don’t want to do that do you?” Nick asked as he started the car.

       “I don’t know.  I’m too…we’re too young to have a baby.”

      “We are young, but we’re in love.  Doesn’t that count for anything?  Besides isn’t abortion like murder or something.”

      “You aren’t religious.  Why do you care?”

      “I know.  I haven’t been to church since I was a really little boy and my grandma made me go.  Still, I can’t imagine killing our baby because it is inconvenient at the moment.”

       “You aren’t the one who has to grow a baby inside and push it out an incredibly small hole in your body!”

        Nick laughed, “I suppose not.”  He pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the street.

       “I need some time to think about it.”

       “Okay,” he said.

       They were silent the rest of the ride home.  They barely spoke the rest of the day.  Heaven spent most of the day in her room listening to music and thinking.  Nick left her alone.  That night she called Julie and told her.

       “Guess what?” she asked Julie.

       “You’re pregnant!” Julie exclaimed.

       “How did you know?”

       “I didn’t. I was just being funny.  But you are? Seriously?”

       “I am.”

       “What did your mother say?” Julie asked

       “I haven’t told her yet.”

       “She is going to kill you.”

       “Maybe.  Or maybe she won’t care.  She doesn’t care about what happens to me anyway, so why would she care if I’m pregnant or not?”

       “Because that is her grandchild.  It will be her responsibility.”

       “It’s my responsibility.”

       “You aren’t going to keep it are you?”
        “I was thinking about it.”

        “What does Nick say about it?”

        “He says it’s up to me, but I get the feeling he wants to keep it.”

        “Do you think he’ll be able to support you and the baby?”
        “He has a job.  He’s had one for months.  Why wouldn’t he be able to?”

        “Babies are expensive.  Who’s going to watch him or her when you are at school?”

        “I don’t know.  I hadn’t thought about it really.”

        “There are a lot of things to think about.”

        “I know,” Heaven sighed.  “Look, I got to go.  I’ll talk to you at school.”

        “Okay,” Julie said.  They hung up.

        Heaven fought back the tears as she went to her room and laid down.  She was just so tired and overwhelmed.   Before Heaven could decide what to do next, she fell asleep. She didn’t wake up until the next morning. 

        Heaven decided not to go to school that day since she felt so awful, so she stayed in bed avoiding all phone calls.   Julie, of course, had told Renee and all their friends.  So when Heaven did return to school on Friday, practically everybody knew.  All day people asked her, “So what are you going to do?”

        And all day Heaven replied, “I don’t know.”

       That afternoon she returned to her home with Nick.  He’d told his parents in the brief few minutes he saw them that day, but they were not around when Heaven was.  For that, she was thankful.  She didn’t think she could face another person.  She tried to get her mind off the pregnancy by watching TV, but the phone kept ringing.   

      She had Nick tell everyone that she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t come to the phone.  They all left messages of congratulations.  

      Saturday Heaven picked up the pamphlets the nurse had given her and read through them.  She wondered how she was ever going to manage to deal with diapers, bottles and constant crying.   She had never really even babysat before, so she had no idea where to begin even.  How would she ever manage to get the money to get a stroller, a crib and all the clothes the baby would need?  Maybe it was best if she gave it up for adoption. On the other hand, that was still six or seven more months of people staring and asking questions.  Perhaps it would be even better if she just got an abortion and be done with it.

      On Sunday when the phone rang, Heaven actually answered it.  

      “I heard from Renee’s mom that you were pregnant.  Is that true?” her Mom demanded to know as soon as Heaven said hi.

      “What?” is all Heaven could manage.

      “Are you pregnant? Yes or no.  It’s a simple question.”

      “Yes,” Heaven sighed.

      “I knew this would happen.”

      “You did not.”

      “I should have never let you move in with Nick.  It is Nick’s isn’t it?”

      “Mom! Of course it’s Nick’s baby.”

      “And does Nick plan to support you and the baby for the next eighteen years?”

      “He has a job.”

      “It won’t be enough.  You’d better not quit school.”

      “What do you care?”

      “Maybe I should take you the doctor and have them take care of it or maybe you could give it up for adoption.  I don’t want this to ruin your life.”

      “Like I ruined yours?”

      “I never said that!”

      “But that’s what you think isn’t it?  You got pregnant with me when you were just eighteen and you regret that you never got to party or do anything fun. I was always such a burden.  Well, this baby isn’t a burden and I will make sure she or he knows that.  Good bye.”

      And with that, Heaven slammed down the phone.  At least she’d told her Mom.  That was the hard part.  Well, technically Renee’s Mom had told her, but it was still difficult dealing with her Mom’s condescending tone and judgment.   As if she was any better!

      Heaven wandered into the kitchen and found a pack of cigarettes lying on the table in front of Nick and Mark.  They’d come in the back door while she was on the phone.  They were smoking and drinking around the kitchen table.  Heaven lit her cigarette and Nick said, “Honey, you really shouldn’t be smoking since you’re pregnant.”

      “Really? She’s knocked up?” Mark asked.  “Way to go Nick!”

      Nick beamed.

      “I wish you wouldn’t just tell everyone about it. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do.”

    “Well practically everybody at school knows already,” Nick said.  “And they are bound to figure it out when you start showing even if swore everyone else to secrecy.  You might as well be open about it.”

      “Well, you get to be the proud papa, while everyone stares at my big fat belly.  I don’t want to be known the rest of my high school life as the girl who got pregnant in 10^th grade.”

      “Once you have the baby and someone else gets pregnant, everyone will forget about you,” Nick said drawing deeply on his cigarette. 

      Heaven flicked her cigarette ash into the ash tray and then drew on it.  She exhaled and said, “I hope so.”

       Later that day Heaven sat at the dining room table watching the snow fall.  She remembered her father and mother helping her build snowmen and snow forts.  Heaven smiled thinking of how her father used to toss her up into the air.  His strong arms would hold her close afterward.  How she missed him! 

      He and her mother never married, and so when he fell out of love with her, he was free to just leave.  He up and walked out on the two of them so he could be with his new girlfriend.  Soon he remarried and had another family and forgot all about the first family he had.  Heaven had seen him in years.  He didn’t pay child support and never bothered to call. 

     It wasn’t long after he left that Heaven and her mother moved from the nice big house to the tiny crappy apartment.  The apartment was in part of an old Victorian home, but it was rundown and the landlord didn’t do much to fix it up.  He did barely what was necessary to keep it livable.   Heaven had begged her Mom to move so many times over the past ten years, but each time Luanne refused.  She was terrified if they moved elsewhere they wouldn’t be able to afford the rent.  As it was, they were barely scraping by.

    When Heaven was young her mother was on welfare for a long time.  Heaven remembered getting paper food stamps and using the medical card. She supposed that she’d need to go to Job and Family Services soon and apply for both food stamps and the medical card.  She didn’t have insurance and she couldn’t pay for her hospital stay out of pocket. 

      Her mother called her back later that day to apologize and offer to take her to the doctor.  “Thanks Mom,” Heaven said, “But I’ve already been to Planned Parenthood.”

     “What about the Ob-gyn for the rest of your pregnancy.  Planned Parenthood doesn’t do prenatal check ups.  The only reason to go back to them is get an abortion.  And most Planned Parenthood’s don’t even do that.  You might have to schedule the procedure for another clinic in another city.”

      “I don’t need your help!” Heaven cried in frustration.

      “Are Steve and Candy going to help you?  Because last I heard the two of them worked all the time and then partied when they weren’t working.  Steve has like two jobs doesn’t he?  And Candy is a stripper or something?”

      “Yeah, they’re gone a lot, but that’s okay.  At least they can keep a roof over their sons’ heads!”
      “Yeah, well there are two of them and only one of me.  What happens if Nick decides to bail on you and then what? You can’t stay home and do nothing all day.  You’ll never be able to support yourself or the baby if you don’t finish school first.”

      “I’ll take my GED or whatever.  Don’t worry about me.  I’ll be fine.”

     “But isn’t just you.  It’s you  and your baby now.”

     “Mom, I’ve had enough.  Just butt out!” and with that she hung up the phone yet again.

      Heaven was shaking in anger. How dare her Mom lecture her?  It was her Mom who kicked her out and forced her to find another home.  It was her Mom who didn’t make her feel loved or welcome at all.  Heaven was beginning to regret ever having sex.  It hadn’t been that wonderful in the first place.  Now that she realized it came with all of these crazy complications, she wished she could have stopped herself.  She wished she would have said no and waited until she was truly ready for it. 

      She glanced at Nick sitting in the recliner watching TV and wondered if he’d stick with her for the long haul.   Tiredly, she went over to Nick and sat on his lap.  She thought he might put his arms around her and make it all better, but instead he said, “Would you move? I can’t see the damn TV with you there!”

      Tears stung her eyes as she got up off his lap and went into their bedroom to lay down.  At that moment she was ready to get an abortion and be done with it.  She cried herself to sleep, vowing to make an appointment as soon as possible.

       When she went down to Planned Parenthood to schedule the appointment, they told her that they didn’t do the procedure there.  She would have to go to the Women’s Hospital in the next city over.  Once more, if she was under eighteen, she needed the signature of a parent or guardian.

      “But it’s my body! Not my Mom’s body!”

      “Maybe, but we can’t do the procedure without out the concent of a parent or guardian.”

       “Well, that is just stupid.”

       “Sorry, but that is our policy.”

       With a deep sigh, Heaven left the clinic and took the bus back to Nick’s house.  She found herself wondering how she could get in touch with a couple looking to adopt.  Not that Nick would ever go for that.  She guessed she was stuck having the kid and dealing with it.