Forever Tristan

Tristan writes a letter to his lost love Johanna.

     Dear Johanna,

      My heart is filled with sorrow.  I wish I could be there with you, holding you in my arms and touching your sweet face, but I cannot be there to love you.  Both us wish I could be there, but I left because I could not bear the war raging inside of me.  Although my love for you is as strong as it is beautiful, you are a painful reminder of my failures.  I failed to save my sister, whose friend you were.  I failed to be there for you when you needed me most.  You knew it was not because I didn’t want to be there, but because I could not get over my grief an guilt over losing Heather.  It has consumed me like the ocean consumes a ship in a wild storm. 

     The love we share remains with me with these days and forever.  When I am walking through the streets of some ancient city you are with me.  I wish I could have brought you here.  It would have not been right though.  Your place is with your mother and father.  They need you.  Your presence comforts them immensely.  The friendship that you and Heather shared is a source of strength for them I think.  A part of you is in her and this keeps them close to her.  It is not the same for me.

       Heather haunts me through you.  My love was not enough to save her and is not strong enough to give you what you need.  You deserve better I could ever give you.  I love you enough to let you go.

       The tears will fall like rain and the days will be long.  The nights are even longer.  Time will heal both of our wounds.  Soon the passion will fade as does the rage.  Then a slow tenderness will seep in.  Other memories will replace the ones we have now.  I will be only one moment out of memory out of many.

        When I told you were the first to stir these wondrous emotions, I meant it.  There will never be another like you.  No one could ever be so beautiful, so innocent and yet so passionate. Everything was new with you.  My eyes will never see the same world because of you.  I have known the deepest love and the most heart-wrenching pain. 

      Do not think for one moment I regret, for I can never forget living as freely as I once did with you.  I have lived life to its fullest.  Many will never know the essence of life that we discovered together.  This is something I will cherish.

      But like all treasures, I must be tucked away and left for other discover someday.  For what good is treasure once you have found it?  How man tales do you hear of treasure hunters returning happily to civilization with their booty?  The mystery must continue for them and for us.  It was a great gift�"our love�"but it cannot last. 

       I must go on alone because I must search for something I have lost somewhere along the way.  When Heather died, a part of me died as well.  I will not return until I have found that part of me that is missing.  Only then will it be right for us to talk and see each other once again.

       Please do not wait for me though.  You deserve to find another love.  To ask you to wait for me would be selfish of me.  It fills me with hope that you could once again be happy.  Your joy, your smile and your kind eyes is why I fell in love with you in the first place.  I cannot take away the very thing that I love. 

      Spread your wings and fly away my love.  My unseen love and strength will carry you on. 

       Love Forever,

                       Tristan