Sam and Sara

The endless knot of love

Time flowed endlessly, painfully, around them, while some part of what they shared remained silent and timeless.  Sam and Sara were knotted together by Dharma it seemed, but they also existed in entirely separate spaces.  But that was the essence of an evanescent life they reasoned.

     Sam stood motionless at his register in the corner at Cell City, which is what he did five days a week for the past four years.  He watched tiredly as customers wandered aimlessly from phone to phone.  He ran his hand through his short, dark hair and blinked his green eyes slowly.  The throngs of semi-literate “guests” chatted with their friends and family who accompanied them or they chatted with friends and family who were along for ride by phone-proxy.  No one really stopped to chat with him, but that was fine.      

     Mostly when they did stop to speak to him they asked some asinine question. Did the phone come in pink? Could they access their email?  How did they use the text feature?  How do you take a picture?  His favorite question was how much did it cost.  The prices were all clearly marked, yet many people failed to read the shelf, the box and the huge sale signs posted all around the store.  That is why he and his fellow co-workers spent most of their time joking.  They would call work Cell Hell and say to one another, “What the Cell?” or “Cell You!”  

      For a moment Sam felt as if he were on pause and the world around him had been placed on fast-forward.  His head was spinning, yet he was incredibly calm.  Despite the cacophony of beeps, buzzes, rings and words, Sam was alone.  He was in his own little world of silence and serenity.  None of the chaos mattered.  Nothing mattered but the beauty of the moment.  He was shaken from his reverie by a co-worker tapping him on the shoulder. 

      It was lunch time.  Well, it was dinner time actually, but they insisted on calling it lunch break still.  Sam sighed as he headed back to the break room.  While he ate his left over spaghetti, he played with his ipod.  After a couple of spins, he landed on an oldie but goodie from Nirvana.  “Come As You Are” filled his ears as he tried to relax a bit.  Inevitably, thoughts of Sara found there way into the moment. 

      Sara, meanwhile, was listening to “Come As You Are” on her ipod as well.  She sat outside on her back porch that late summer afternoon with her four year old daughter Lila.  Sara lived in the country many miles away from Sam.  The two had never actually met, but they knew each other quite well.  Sara drew in a deep breath as her daughter flipped a large amount of sand from the sandbox onto the grass in the yard.  Thinking about her last conversation with Sam, Sara gazed out at the pond in the distance. 

      Her thoughts drifted to how she wanted to dive into the water.  Anything was better than just sitting there in perpetual safety she thought.  A firefly danced around the cattails and willow branches.  It was a pleasant day outside, not too hot, but still warm enough for a swim.  Sara’s brown ponytail swished slightly in the breeze.  While she was enjoying the sun on her freckled face and the perfection in that quiet moment, there was a tinge of sadness in her heart still.  Mono No Aware was the perfect phrase for that moment she decided. 

      The ipod hit shuffle when the song ended.  “Lakini’s Juice” by Live started playing.  Suddenly, Sara noticed a shadow fall over her.  She looked up and saw a man standing behind her on the porch.  Sara smiled, took out her earphones and stood up.  She threw her arms around the tall, dark and handsome stranger.

       “Hello Mrs. Pali,” he greeted. 

       “Hello Mr. Pali,” she replied as their lips touched in a quick kiss.  “How was your day at work?”

       “Good,” he said as she pulled away.  Adam Pali pulled a heart-shaped box from his pocket and handed it to his wife.  Sara smiled and took the small velvet red box and opened it up.

       At that moment, Sam checked his own cell phone for messages.  There was one from his girlfriend Maya.  Maya was an exotic beauty, with high cheekbones.  Her once long hair was now cut in a fashionable bob.  But here beauty was not her best feature.  Her kind, gentle and nurturing soul was what attracted him most.  She was deeply spiritual and tied most definitely to her Native America roots.  In her, Sam found the feminine spirit of Mother Nature.  They’d been together not quite six months.  He wasn’t sure where it was going, but he knew that Maya was a breath of fresh air in his otherwise stale world. 

      Maya was a world away from his ex-girlfriend Kiki, which is just what he needed.  Kieko was her actual name, but everyone called her Kiki instead.  She was a fearless femme fatal.  His favorite image of her was one of her brandishing a set of Japanese Sai that she owned.  What brought them together in the first place was a love of the martial arts and Japan.  Kiki had been born in the United States, but her parents had emigrated from Kyoto.  Kiki spoke fluent Japanese and had been to Japan several times to see her relatives that still lived there. Although it had been just seven months since they broke up, Sam could still see the fire in her dark eyes"shining like that of a dragon. 

       Her fire was one he’d not soon forget. 

       Perhaps, he mused, it had not worked out because they were both Hungry Ghosts.  They had existed in some sort of lower realm of endless aching and fear.  Neither one of them could be filled up so they remained forever empty.  Empty together or empty apart.  It didn’t matter in the end perhaps. 

       Sam stood up.  He rinsed his empty dish, dried it and placed it back in his locker.  Then he took his phone and ipod and placed them back in the locker as well.  Feeling a sense of heaviness, he started back toward his register.  As he stepped out onto the floor, he noticed something peculiar.  Something darted back and forth in the aisle ahead of him.  It took a moment to realize that it was a dragonfly. Its purple and green wings shimmered in the light coming from the skylight.  Poor thing, he thought, stuck in this noisy place.  He hoped it would find its way back outside and be free to roam once again.  He watched it hover and disappear among the steel beams.   A smile tugged at Sam’s lips as he stepped back to the exact same spot he’d left a half hour ago.  Some-where inside he knew Sara was thinking of him. 

       That night, when Sam got home from work, he sat down at his computer.  He played Evanescence in the background while he checked his email.  Amy Lee sang “All That I Am Living For,” from the Open Door CD as he opened a message from Sara.  This particular long message was about the Tao of Chaos.  Sara reflected upon the chaos of her feelings and the nature of chaos itself.  Chaos was originally a Greek Goddess, she explained, who gave birth to everything.  Modern Chaos Theory stated that chaos was not really random.  It was a system trying to reorder itself after something interrupted it. It was variations on a theme.  She ended with a poem that embodied her musings called “Butterfly Chains.”   Sam sighed and turned his attention elsewhere because he did not know how to respond.  Regardless, he was glad she had shared those insights.  It helped him stayed connected to her. 

      The next morning Sara got up early and started her morning yoga.  She stretched in the rays of golden sunlight streaming in from the sliding glass door in the living room.  Her hair was tied back in its usual pony tail.  She greeted the sun several times in the traditional manor before moving on to triangle pose, tree pose and mountain pose.  Despite her commendable efforts at concentration and relaxation, her thoughts still wandered.  She wondered what Sam was up to and wished she could share the peace she found in yoga with him. Sara sat on the floor, her legs out, but bent.  As she drew in a deep breath she extended her legs flat.  She stretched forward completing the Dragonfly pose. 

       Taking another deep breath Sara contemplated the tiny things connected people together"symbols and ideas that seemed synchronistic in nature.  As she rested in the moment of silence she was aware of the beauty and simplicity of samsara. 

        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

 

 

Dharma means destiny and duty or following the righteous path

Dragonfly symbolizes our subconscious or deeper thoughts surfacing. 

Keiko means “firefly girl” or “glad rejoicing girl.”

Kiki is a nickname for various K-names, but it also means barking in Hawaiian or shallow talk.  The Urban Dictionary also defines it is another name for vagina. 

Lakini’s Juice is a song by the band Live.  Lakini is Swahili for “but, however, or nonetheless.”   The band says it is about going through hell to get to heaven. 

Lila means duality, creative energy and the material cycle of life.

Maya means “That is, not that,” or illusion.

Mono No Aware means a tinge of sadness. 

Nirvana is a grunge alternative band from the 1990s.  It is also a term used by Buddhists to describe a state of being that is pure and free of desire.  “Come as You Are” is about irony and contradictions.  “Heart-Shaped Box” is also another one of their songs. 

Pali means “line” or “norm.” Specifically it refers to text as in the canon of sacred Hindu and Buddhist texts.  In Hawaiian it means cliff. 

Samsara is from Hindu and Buddhism.  It means a state of suffering. It is the cycle of life, death and rebirth. Some describe it as “flowing together” or an endless knot.