12.) The Itsy Bitsy Spider

A Chapter by careyXcarnage

Everything was starting to return to normal.

I was going to college now, only community, but it's better than nothing. My scars were healing up really well, because I took great care of them, treated them respectfully, like children. Thats exactly what the were to me. Fragile children born from my own destructive misery and torment.

Mitchie and I no longer spoke.

Unfortunatly.

I missed her, I really did. Maybe when I was ready, I could go talk to her. We have three classes together because we registered for classes when we were still friends. Only friends, but still friends. I missed her smell, so I bought some Vanilla-Vanile from Bath&BodyWorks, but it didn't smell quite right. I was thinking about telling Amma about me being a lesbian while I was cycling, because she could've really helped me through all of that Mitchie stuff. I havent lost any weight, although I have been cycling for weeks. I think I should just let it go, I don't really care anymore. Amma has been really protective of me with boys lately, and I want to say "You know, you don't have to bother. They aren't my type." everytime she is like that. It's kinda funny actually! Seeing her go nuts over guys, when I'm looking at the girl walking beside them. I'm in my room now, listening to the radio play "Moonlight Sonata" by Mr.Ludwig Van Beethoven. I love this song. I pretended to lpay it on an invisible piano on my bed, although I had no clue how to play it.

I've decided.

I'm going to tell Amma.

When I walked into the room, Amma was watching a home video of me singing. I heard the sweet melody of my -to this day - favorite song.

"The itsy, bitsy, spider, crawled up the water spout! DOWN CAME THE RAIN AND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT!"

I laughed on the tape, and in real life I sang. "Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain. And the itsy, bitsy, spider, crawled up the spout again!" On the tape I screamed "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" and in my Amma's room, I quietly whispered, "Love you Amma." She was asleep on her bed, with tissues all around her. I think she wished I was still that age. Calling her Mommy no matter how many times she corrected that she was Amma, stealing cookies from the jar and blaming it on my sister, singing Pixie with my sister to lull me into calmness. I wish I was that age again too. Life was a lot simpler and easier then. I sighed, and went into my room after giving Amma a kiss on the cheek. She seemed sad in her sleep, she always has. She always was crying while she slept, and she had a slight frown, like she was either displeased or sad. She looked so peaceful though.

I loved my Amma so much. I felt melancholy thinking about how much I must have put her through after Mitchie rejected me. I pulled my covers over my head, grabbed my Eeyore, and went to sleep.

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