11.) 1480.8

The emptiness inside me was effecting the way I acted. My mom even started to notice. I no longer talked to her with affection-or, I didn't talk to anybady with affection, and I started to call her Mother, or by her first name, Shana.

I was barren on the inside, and out. It seeped into my clothing, filled the air around me. I was no longer Cara Carconi--I was Numb. My hair hung limply and greasily from my itchy, white flaked scalp. I had centimeter long hair on my legs and under my arms, and I hadn't attended school in weeks, or was school out? I really didn't know.

 

I decided to bathe, and it was a good call. The water ran over my body, and actually made me be able to feel a little. My little and big cuts and gashes on my arms, legs, stomache, and thighs stung and itched. I was used to the itching, but the stinging was new. It actually felt good. Gave me that release, even though there wasn't much left to release in me. I think I just cut now to make myself a little more real to myself.

I got into my room and did my ritual of turning the thermostat to ninety, then sitting in my chair, sighing, getting up and blowdrying my hair, and all that stuff. When i was done, before I got dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was way too fat. I had love handles and hips. I disgusted myself. I went into Shana's room, and cycled on her brand new stationary bicycle at the sixteen speed setting for four hours. How many calories did I burn? I got on the internet and searched a calculator.

 

SPEED SETTING : 16
WEIGHT : 110
TIME CYCLED : 4 hours
CALORIES PER MINUTE : 6.17

TOTAL CALORIES BURNED : 1480.8

I cheered in my head! How many pounds was that?! DAMN IT!!! That was only half a pound! Still, that was pretty impressive. If I did that exactly for the entire month, that would be 15 pounds!

I found my new Morphine.

 

Reviews

[Kasey]

omg. i love this chapterr.... but its soooo sad.... *tear* nice write.its very powerfully emotional in very few words. great job. i love this story!!!