Letting Go For Good

Journal Entry 26/11/21

Nothing is ever certain

I would have stayed

if you hadn’t carried your burden

shot up your wall in front of me

to remind me of your misery

saying things about me that isn’t true

layering on me veils of tear-soaked view

can you really give this bond an ultimatum?

the strongest word spoken through action verbatim

I would have sat back down with you

if you had not continued to tell me who I am to you

you say my greatest power is my freedom

and yet you call me a broken bird forbidden to fly in your kingdom

you say you believe in me

but were you only seeking loneliness remedy?

I was willing to ground and rest my wings

to be encircled by your matrimonial ring

but I see now the source of that danger

the reeling of life fueled by anger

I may have pulled the trigger word at you

to receive a receding response from you

I understand how you could be wary

of possible unwanted outcomes undoubtedly scary

but for you to put up boundaries again

by a heart who does not know the meaning of “when”

arresting mine halting its beat suddenly

unwalled green glow only tried to reach you ever so gently

but I will leave you be for now

as the director said “take a bow”

stage right as we come apart

I have played your opposing part

your beliefs that portrayed me

has come undone and revealed me

you may now turn the page of this chapter

to find and claim what you are really after

you said clearly you already knew

yet you couldn’t accept all of me that is really true

I am not the one-winged bird you say

even as low as a digested fecal stray

if I were to cry, this would be it

how low you could think of me even just for this bit

you chose me to reflect your molded clay

when my words for you were reflective of your brightest ray

my will to commit daily with you

cease abruptly with your swords of art

your unwilling bravery to risk

I will take this lesson to heart

wunderschönen you may be

but I for one isn’t for you now to keep

for someone to think my only purpose is to flee

would only create the reality they reap

a vexing pollutant thoughts of me

this Queen will never order such horrendous decree

because loyalty as I define it as bound

only by the depth of the soul we have found

i came to you full hearted and true

ready to adjust and amalgamate with you

the person I was told to be “new”

only to discover the “old” that is still in you

your doubt caged me

outside of your peripheral memory

we were interlocking in synchronicities

in all of universal mysteries

magic was surrounding us whole

until its deception created a dark hole

but my magic I shared with you

I can always take to someone new

there may be only one of you

but it does not mean I am for you

you do not have to be for me

because I can love just anybody

but that somebody will know my value

which you refuse to chance my worth with you

the greatest risk that love could ever reward you

no, this isn’t your missed opportunity

all I am saying is it will not be with me

I still wish for you a sounding heart

regardless whether we are together or apart

Author's Note

pain for peace