The maiden of the woods

The man crouched behind a gnarled rotting tree, his pray stumbling helplessly through the forest lost and confused. The man grasped the cold blade between his sweaty palms, adrenalin surging through his very bones. She was a fair maiden this one, a dress of the cleanest white protecting her delicate frame. Her dainty little bones would catch a fair price in these parts.

The girl had wondered out into the demolda woods while picking flowers in the fields by her town, as night fell the spores of the forest had filled the air and dragged her into the maze. Right into the grasps of of an eager merchant desperate to make his next sale.

A demonic grin spread across the man's face as he heard her began to cry and curse at her own misfortune. His muscles itched to make the pounce but his mind always enjoyed there distress so he would hold of the urge just yet. Playfully he ran his fingers along the blade drawing blood and watching it tarnish the silver in a jagged red line. He could almost feel the cold hard gold coins in his hands now, the clank and clink as they jiggled in his pocket.

The woman stepped unknowingly closer and closer toward the shady figure's hiding place. Which each step he tensed his pose, ready to pounce and tear like a wild animal. Each foot fall began to echo round his mind. She was so near, this precious little angel was so dangerously near. She leant agasint the tree now her breathe coming out in pathetic little puffs.

She'd only stayed there for a few seconds before she felt the tightening grip of fingers her neck, the cold life sucking sharpness of a blade agasint her skin. Her throat let out a terrified wail that echoed round the deserted tree's. He breathed in the scent of her hair, enjoying ever moment of her fear. Taking his time as he pulled her backwards and lay her struggling body down.

She was weak, an easy target and he took her out, just like blowing out a candle. Once on the floor he slashed and tore, diving and twisting the blade all threw her corpse. He laughed as he did it a blood curdling laugh that seemed to chase even the spores that lingered around him away into the night.

Once he was done, certain that nothing stirred within her body, he stripped her carefully. Licking her soulders and her cheek as his old wrinkly hands caressed every curve of her body. Oh she was magnificent this poor curious wanderer who had strayed from the safety of the road.

He turned the blade once more in his hands and began to hack away. Her bones fell apart as it sliced into there calcium coated existence. One at a time he cracked her skeleton into 10cm pieces. And then he walked away taking with him her ball gown and the bones of her body. Leaving her corpse to the wolves and bugs to decompose and remove all evidence of. 

In the morning search parties were sent to find the young princess. Her farther distraught, but the land gave no sign of her scattered remains. All had rotted away, buried by her own curiosity. 

The mans pocket was lined, his job was done. 

The only hint or memory of his crime was the gentle whistling of the wind, of the fair maiden that died there, that if you listen hard enough. Dont breathe , just listen for her panicked screams. But if your ever there, be warned, the hunter still prowls the ancient lands. Dont stray from the path or you to will lie beneath the very land.

Reviews

[Taylor H.]

Right into the grasps of of an eager merchant desperate to make his next sale.----delete second of

She leant agasint the tree now her breathe coming out in pathetic little puffs.----against

She was so near, -----near;

sharpness of a blade agasint her skin----against

Her throat let out a terrified wail that echoed round the deserted tree's---trees

He breathed in the scent of her hair, enjoying ever moment of her fear---every moment

Licking her soulders and her cheek as his old wrinkly hands ----shoulders

He turned the blade once more in his hands and began to hack away. Her bones fell apart as it sliced into there calcium coated existence----their

The mans pocket was lined, his job was done----man’s

Dont breathe , ----Don’t breathe;

Dont stray from the path or you to will ----Don’t


All I can say is SCARY. EW lol

[Persona]

She was a fair maiden this one - I would put in italics like his thoughts.
I think you should say the man's name first rather than instilling confusion. Because without a name, it seems like you're detached from the work. Same italic for the precious angel because its an opinion and like his thoughts too.
"shoulders" you wrote soulders. I'm a little confused about the era. Is it the olden days or modern day?
Her "father" you put farther. "Don't" and the comma. Why did he kill her? Because she was cute?
I agree with the others on your positive aspects and there's a good flow to this. It's natural.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Perfect explanation to the eerie feeling we get when we walk through certain passages. This story gave me goosebumps. I like the way you just threw us right into the action.

[Celeste]

This was exciting to read. I do love reading stories like these, and this one was no exception. Your descriptions were very brief and concise, but they were long enough to describe the flow of events fully.

Great job. Keep writing!

[MoriartyMesa]

Very Jack The Ripper with a royal spin that is something I am hoping becomes a larger piece or back drop to a story. I liked this, and the description of events by the second the the last emotion is brilliant.