4 walled mind

Just something i wrote... another piece by little old cappi

Its easier to lie. To say im ok, im fine and smile like nothing hurts. There just little white lies they dont hurt anyone, how could they. The only person there hurting is me, and i dont matter. I matter as little as these tears that pour down my face, but of course noone ever see's those. They only come as i lay here my head resting gently on my pillow, my eyes  lost in the ceiling. They only come when i kno for a fact noone will notice, i dont want people to care to worry. These secrets, there walls and there keeping me alone. And for now the real me is safer alone because ill fall apart if i let you in. But i kinda need you to work it out, i cant tell you but i need you to work out im struggling. To just sense that im falling apart , to just notice all the weight im loosing and mentally wonder why. See through all my games, my smiles and see just how little happiness remains in my soul. Noone hears the screaming little child in my heart , smashing angrly at the sides longing to be heard. Im not sure the first time i felt all these insecuritys, when i first looked in the mirror and cudent stand what i saw, when i started to doubt and hate who i was. I need you to kno that i im still fighting to be alive, that i need your hand on mine in this battlefield, because with you i could brave any war. I cant let you see these tears tho, i cant let you see them , i cant let you see just how weak and pathetic i really am. I want you and everyone to belive im invisible so that people stop caring and worrying. So that if i just drifted away from the world everyone would just think i was busy. I want to stay in my room , lock myself in my room and stop eating , stop moving. I want to look in a mirror and see something that dosent make me feel physically sick. I want to be beautiful i want to be bright i want to be confident. I dont want to need anyone.  I just need you to notice what im doing to myself, and stop me before i go to far. I kno im not alone there are millions of people out there, curling inside themselves letting the darkness consume them, but that dosent stop me being afraid because those peopel arent me. And i just want to be saved cause i cant always walk toward the light. The darkness is shrouding it, i want you to see throught my perfected smiles to the tears that im crying now, inside these 4 walls that keep me away from you all. That keep me safe from the judgement. But i need you to keep me safe from myself, i need you to hear my plee for help.

Author's Note

Read it howeve you mean to

Reviews

[R.D.Scott]

This is so powerful and I love its rawness. so empassioned and so desperate. The truth of this piece makes it so impressive.

[Magdelena]

I read it as I saw it was written. A plea for help in a silent tone. Softly sent that even the faintest whisper could not be heard. We all hide within ourselves. Day by day we hide behind our facades and pray for help, just once a hnad to be held out, yet we never bring ourselves to ask. I used to wonder on the why's.. Now i know the answer.. I think maybe we want to appear strong and with this then we need to act the tough one, the one who can handle anything.. In the end we look at ourselves and hate what we have become, see, are, then it turnes us into something we dread the most. Unloved!

Powerful write. I really liked it.. You have lots of strong points here.. Some words that can be taken out, but all in all, a fantastic piece!


Mag xx