Eagle eyed insomniac

My minds works in strange ways evidently.

 

I sit here like many nights , unable to sleep but so tired that i long for it. My eyes heavy but my mind whirring endlessly. Kingdom hearts theme's playing gently in the background to my left, a game i have desperatly been trying to complete all day , but hit fault after fault when it comes to bosses. I get very obsessive about these things, if i start a game i must complete it. Unable to tear myself away from it until ive finally reached the point where you cant play anymore where everythign is unlocked and done. I cant even play another game, the idea of removing the cd from the console unfhinshed makes me shudder a little so i must stop thinkign about such a dreadful thought.

Thoughts. Such a wide topic, and such a large possiblity of ideas springs from that word. Currently im thinking, i want more apple juice. Hardly the most painstakingly interesting thought but a thought all the same, im not talking about the apple juice that you can buy just about anywhere. That sickly sweet stuff you get all sugared and carmalized and what not, im talkign about freshly squeezed orchad apple juice. The kind that makes your head spin and your senses tingle. The kind that makes you dream of skipping merrily down an orchard as the sun beats down on your back, finding that perfect apple green and smooth beneath your finger tips and biting into it, and letting the juice run tenderly down your chin and drip upon the sandy floor. I love fresh fruit , so beautiful in all its colours and so tastey. Hmm makes me think of food , but then that is something i kno less and less about these days, steering further and further away from such things, counting caloires, not wise i kno considering i think by measurment im already an American size 0. But i look in the mirror , and i dont see hwhat everyone else see's, apparntly im beautiful and have a perfect figure. So why do i see a fat monster? A  leaping whale? ..just me and the strange way my mind works i suppose. A twist on reality.

Now thats somethign i like to discuss reality. There is a very thin line between reality and the dream world. Many of our everyday dreams are indeed built on reality. A reality we want or is currently unobtainable , mabye something is simply not tangible enough to feel truely there, or mabye its a dream we cant ever achive. But even impossible dreams are based on what we personally percive as reality. I close my eyes , mabye i am trying to sleep mabye im just not ready to face a world i dont understand, but 17 years is along time to prepare so mabye i have been ready for to long just afirad. The dream world is softer lacks the sharp edges reality holds near us.

I dream sometimes, such a vivid and colourful dreams. Filled with unrealisitc images and flowing ideas.

I dreamt last night thati was sitting here just like tonight, i only slept for 5 minutes, it was all my tormented brain would allow, but i dreamt of a shadow standing over me, i dont think it meant any harm but it was a rather threatening presence and i sat here it just watched me. And when i got up it touched me, an icy cold touch like i had just been plunged into ice water and my heart just stopped and it watched as i fell to the floor. No point clutching my heart even in dreams i realise that would be pointless , once a heart stops it will not beat again by mere skin touch. i landed on my knee's my eyes flashed blue and then white, and i hit the floor. Dead i assume altho in my dream i was watchign myself do this, narrating my own story. Strange. If thats is reality and that is what i want it to be ive died many many times, and i truely am the invincible person i pretend i am, the shield i have painted myself in the possible real world. Is the reality in the dream world. Such a thin line , i find that strange.  But nothign is really normal so to be strange in a way is equally impossible. But in my mind impossible is nothing . I think i wil go fly now, out the window to the sky like an eagle the air rushing eagerly threw its wings, diving and twirling the king of the skies. One day i will happy, one day i will be free, one day this lone eagle will soundly in her bed and fly with the clouds with her eyes closed.

 

. Strange typing that i pictured this beatuiful golden sea, placed in a dark black emptyness, sparkling. Like some sorta twisting golden ribbon , but possing a tide and waves. I want to sail a little pea green boat down the golden stream , let the angels come with me, there tender sugar coated wings brushing along my ears. Its a nice thought shame tho just a dream not real reality. Reality for me now is just a painful thought, that i face as i wake. But if i tell myself that reality is indeed the dream is comferting to think i live in such a happy world, altho sayign tha talot of my dreams contort and become nightmares, dark shadows possesing my mind. But that really depends on my mood.

Author's Note

This was just a thought track it wasnt realy meant to be read. so dont judge so harsly but do tell me what you think of it.

Reviews

[Jibey]

I thought it was an interesting view into your troubled mind...troubled but interesting and colourful