Between the cracks in the wall

This reality is shattering in a way that even I thought impossible. Beneath the heavy gloss and aesthetic strength there truly is nothing to this world, its painfully fragile and that's a little disappointing. You'd expect that we would at least have been plunged into a world made with a little more, a little more... something. That even though this was a false creation it would be a little more entertaining, or prove to be a much more valuable lesson, but then again perhaps that is the lesson. That some thing's are just that pitifully simple, that there is not always reason to look further into it searching for some deeper meaning. Again disappointing. 

I require something that is missing from this simplicity all the same. Some difficulty is required for survival no? For the survival of the mind, must it not be nurtured and tested like any other muscle? I search almost in desperation for something that appeases this unease inside me, this constant requirement to be mentally active within a world where I have long lost way to find a challenge.

There is great truth to the phrase "Ignorance is bliss", for with knowledge of anything comes the task of being alone in its understanding. And loneliness is incredibly difficult to handle, at least for me. I find myself constantly aware of it , the gap between a world I had despite it's negative attributes grown rather attached to and where I am now residing. Each day I find myself staring down a road at those that used to be a fingers reach away, watching them fade further and further into the distance. This journey is one I fully accept, I said not to long ago that I am aware that I am meant to be solitary, that my mission is a solo-mission that I must engage in completely on my own. But it would be nice, in a way to share some knowledge to discuss the burden of truth with another ear that truly understood the complexity of the issue.

It would be nice to see something, something beautiful that I had not seen before, something that took my breath away with a previously unappreciated originality. But everything here has been touched, seen and already conquered , each breath within our lungs merely recycled over and over again from one being to another. I long for something new , some strange and confusing challenge that would lead me to have a reason to ground myself here.

Perhaps I am just afraid. Now that time is short and this world is fractured beyond belief, maybe I am more fond than I realise of this dream we have been placed in. There is nothing for me in either eventuality, my kin, my family are the very creatures of darkness that will fail to exist at a higher vibrational frequency. They melt away and curse my name for the role I have chosen to play in this, I am no more welcome in there faded arms than by those I am trying to assist. I am an enemy within my people, that is the crying shame of it , there is no place for me here there or anywhere. All across the ether I am just a lost soul.

What can I manifest without someone to share it with, what can be said for the words of a silenced mind. I watch as this reality merely slips from view, the cascade it hid behind for so long being revealed for the sham it was. The spirits previously locked away from here roam freely now, seen by those that are equally as acutely aware of what is really going on. I am alone in a dimension that lies along the same linear line as that which is so easily seen , watching and waiting for the realisation that would bring me some company.

There is no time, each second a millennium. To stand alone despite the need for companionship, am I truly to be thwarted on my journey by something so....human. Is this enlightenment destined to drive me insane, the synapses in my brain tired of the barrage that cannot be explained. Am I so weak that I crave comfort , that tears I hold back still require in a way to be shed? There is nothing for me here, and yet I wait watching. Hoping against all odds that a few will make there way past the curtain. That the illusion is not mine alone to see through. But with hindsight no longer an after effect and all time lines visible.... I know I wait for no acknowledgement, I know I wait till destiny leaves me alone.