Tainted admiration

Could I really be so careless? So caught up in the turmoil in my own head that i was honestly blind to the damage i was causing you? I had never, even for a moment considered that you would be so easily strung along but god i should of seen it. I should of noticed the way you parroted my words. I should of listened more intently to your idle ramblings that always seemed to follow my confession, just under your breath just out of earshot. But if id tried , if id tried i could of made out every single word. I could of stopped this before my own inflictions had seeped through onto your impressionable frame but i didn't. The warning signs were written infront of my face but I carried on, carried on filling your head with all of this venemous nonsense compeltely oblivious that you were turning my words into your own mental bible. I could of stopped, i could of shut up and said nothing more on the subject, if id only noticed, but instead i confided in you constantly fueling your demons with a barrage of my own corrupt thoughts. Im sorry, im so sorry that I set her on you, that I have given you such a decrepid inflinction.

 

Im caught between two evils and there is no lesser, i can't walk away , i can't leave you to suffocate as she smothers you to death. But my words , my existance , my hammer repetition of her wants and demans. How could i do this to you?

 

Perhaps your admiration would of been better placed in someone more aware, someone less pitiful.I will make this right , i cant begin to work out how but for you. My little flower just beginning to bloom , i am too proud of you now to let the waves take you. This is not your path to follow and ill halter your steps, ill pull you from this journey before you can't return. Before her noose tightens round your neck and your as lost within it as me.

 

Ill make a respectable indavdual out of you , and for all my sins and mistakes i wont let them bleed through the surface. How can i have let you down so badly? Your crimes have added up , you created so many of your turmoils. But this one is mine and i will pay the price.