Journal Entry: Day 43: Impulse. Wednesday, June 09, 2010.

Must I say something? -Play the song at the bottom-

Song: Grace by Phil Wickham

Mood: Awakened… Sleepy…

 

Impulse… I’ve always been so impulsive, as a matter of fact; all I’ve built is by impulse. I glance down at this paper, and so beautifully, the ink blends with the blood dripping from my hands. The blood, it splatters on the paper and melts into my strokes of anger on this plain paper. I’ve been staring at this blank piece of paper for 3 hours… But to be honest, I’ve been staring at this paper for half a year now…  I’ve proven as it is… That time is all but an illusion… But love is… I’ve lost recognition of love… Something I defined with such passion and grace, is now lost in my clouded vision. I can’t feel hate… Why can’t I hate a soul? I can only hate their sin… Not them…  I can’t do this alone… So grace I call your name… ‘Cause I need eyes to be my guide, I need a voice that’s out of my mind… I need… Someone… But I’m sorry, that someone is just not you right now… I don’t need you, no not right now. I love you. I want you. Right now, all I need is to wake up… All I need is to breathe… I’m sorry… Your beauty is all I see, and it burns… I’m completely satisfied… But it was us against the world… I can take the blows… But I cannot bear to have you take them too… So my pride I let down, and I will walk away. And soon we will meet again… I promise… Yes… I just broke all my promises, but that one I will keep… You can break through a wall, but after hitting a cinder block wall for 30 minutes, I realized that I couldn’t break through it, and here lay my broken knuckles to prove it, this bloody paper and pen being my only witness…

‘Cause I need eyes to be my guide. I need a voice that’s louder than mine. I need hope, I need You, ‘cause I can’t do this alone. God I need you… God I need you… I can’t do this alone…

“And so the lion…”

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The chapter is very good. I like the emotion and his desire in this chapter. The story was strong and I like the ending. Like men in foxholes. They call for God's help. A outstanding chapter.
Coyote