Journal Entry: Day 5: Numb… June 13, 2010

Song: Why �" Secondhand Serenade/Everything �" Ryan Knorr

Mood: Numb… Hopeful

 

All our memories are scattered around the floor. My iPod is on repeat, and its lyrics resonate through every part of my body. “Why do you do this to me? Why do you do this so easily?” Was it something I said? Maybe something you felt? Just tell me… It would be a rather interesting alternative to the numbing of my soul. I would rather prefer the guilt settling into the mold of my veins. My prison is soaked in dry tears, for I cry not like you, but I rather possess a soul cry. A soul cry can shatter life right out of existence. It goes deeper than what meets the naïve eye. “You make it hard to smile, because you make it hard to breathe…” It is quite the opposite of luxury to say that I am comfortably numb. I am numb. I do not feel numb. Yet another oxymoron. I am a living contradiction. I am all that I am not, but all that I am not, is all that I am, though I am what I am, and am nothing of what I am not.

 

“Don’t tell me I’ll make it on my own,” you know I won’t… I won’t be able to take it. I can no longer wake up alone… Damn it… There I did it again. I let my selfishness get to me. I’m so sorry. How are you? I realize this is not any easier for you. I love you. I can promise you this will all be okay. If lie is a riddle, let it riddle us on. I am a living contradiction. What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?

 

You’re everything that I could need, the air that I will use to breathe… Wasn’t long ago, when you and I first picked our favorite song… And all I know… It helped us grow. I love you. I love you, dear girl with scarlet butterflies in her neon green eyes. 

Reviews

[PaperHearts]

This was a really moving chapter. You highlighted the struggle within the situation well, and I thought that the whole mid section was beautiful, and showed a really vulberable and real side to your emotions. The line 'I am all that I am not, but all that I am not, is all that I am, though I am what I am, and am nothing of what I am not.' was awesome. xD
~PaperHearts

[Luna Northstar]

This book is so sad... and it pains me... But its beautiful... and true, and heartfelt. I absolutely love it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Those favorite songs haunt our memory for many years. A lot of question are raised in this chapter. To find the truth sometime we must break our own heart. A very good chapter.
Coyote