You're Not Here

Just wrote this.

My life is a joke. Everything I know is a lie. I don’t deserve the people who hate me. I don’t deserve the people who lie to me. I don’t deserve my friends, my family, nothing. Nothing is real. Everyone is going to get up eventually and walk away and I’m just going to be alone. I don’t want to be, but that’s just how it’s going to be. I don’t see how crying everyday will help me vent or help me at all, so why am I still here crying? Why can’t I just leave? Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I just die already? I’m talking to him because he wanted me to, even though he isn’t here and I’m still empty inside. Maybe I’m empty because all my tears are flowing out more and more each day or the fact that I’m not eating at all and I have locked myself in my room. I just want it all to end. I’m sick of jealousy. I’m sick of being hated. I’m sick of getting glared at. I’m sick of being told that people love me, then they get up and leave like nothing had happened before. I’m sick of Clydesdale spreading rumors about me and constantly ruining my life. I’m sick of everything in my life. I’m sick of all this. He can’t say I’m not sick of him because he’s gone and I’m never seeing him again, so I won’t be able to be sick of him. I want to be. I want to be able to walk away. I want to be able to let go and tell him to leave me alone because I don’t want to watch him from up above dying over my pathetic death. I really, really want to die. I feel like s**t and want to die. Period.

Author's Note

Spoken from a true suicidal girl.