Prologue

Who is he? And what does he want with Maggie?

His muscled fingers held a tight grasp around her scrawny neck. She was held up against against the wall, her feet dangling looser with every lost breath. With his other hand, he had a hold on her cheeks, forcing her to look into his eyes. She had managed avoiding eye contact, but you could easily tell that she couldn’t for much longer the way her gaze kept darting around the room. The more she struggled, the more I lost my breath. I knew I should’ve done something. I wish I did something. What was I to do? She was going to die anyways, at some point, right? No. Wrong. I wasn’t going to let that happen. Not now. Not again.

The thought of running to the police sprinted through my mind. What if he found out, though? What if he already knows? I shooed away my horrid consideration. I didn’t know what I physically could do . . .and I most certainly didn’t have the time to run home and make a list of my possible solutions. I couldn’t wait again. I had to do something, but what?

By now, her eyes were only half open and her face was turning blue. I watched in horror, and amazement, as he suffocated this girl. Intently watching, he whispered something ever so quietly into her ears, then tightened his grip more. I blinked. He was gone.

I saw her fall to the floor, unable to tell if she was dead. After a few hushed moans, crying turned into sobbing. I exhaled a deep breath and slid on my back, towards the direction I came from. With a little force, I flew back down and kicked the air vent open. I crawled out and ran over to her, knowing he was far enough away that the echo my feet made wouldn’t affect anything. My eyes grew wide and I could tell they were holding back tears of my own. I examined the marks from his grasp. Purple, blue and black covered her neck entirely. “I…um…I,” I spat. What was I supposed to say? That I saw everything? That I’m sorry she almost died?

Transitioning from sitting on my a*s to my knees, she pounced. Her arms were wrapped around my neck and she rested her head on my shoulder, still sobbing about the tragic experience she went through just a minute or two ago. Still in shock myself, I embraced her in a hug and patted her comfortingly on the back. “Come on, Maggie, let’s go home.”

Author's Note

Who is the person helped out Maggie? Why was Maggie even in danger?

Reviews

[Meat of Dog]

This piece has a very intriguing beginning. There are a lot of questions left open, making the reader want to know more. Your descriptive sense is good, and I got a good mental image of the events as they happened. Add some more!

My only suggestion is that the constant questioning was a bit to digest, such as 'I had to do something, but what?" Once or twice is okay, but I would use it as little as possible, as it distracts the reader while they try to answer.

other suggestions:
-"She was held up against against the wall" you typed 'against' twice

-"The thought of running to the police sprinted through my mind" the double use of the running concept to describe two different things made this a great turn of phrase. I liked it a lot.

[nevershoutnever.]

@Dog Meat Todd- Thank you! For the the whole comment itself!