Death Breath.

if you’d like to see the breath of death

turn your eyes to the city streets out(in)side

bleak and dreary, like

winter snow

the fire of ice cold precision, raptured and pale

It render’s me weak in hours of solitude flesh and bone

Strewn across the seas

lingering taste of salt in wounds;

with bodies forever broken,

instrumental ribcages breaking out of tune

and,

dying is fine

Author's Note

abstract piece, so be gentle with reviews, haha.

Reviews

[Steven]

Dying is fine... Great use of language in this piece. The idea of these city streets, laden pain and grief, being a metaphor for what is going in inside, was profound.

[Rob Santana]

Good write,something similiar to a poem I have called Los Angeles KILLA-fornia,check it out.

[Dr. Wood ?]

you must love your city.....with a lot of hate...I loved this poem

[Tatiana]

loved this ! good job

[B.T. Sixx]

this is a very good poem. Keep up the good work!!

[Michael Perez]

God, this is so powerful! My favorite line is "the fire of ice cold precision, raptures and pale." that single line gave me goosebumps. Nice write!

[Fabian Franco]

You're not kidding about this being abstract.
Well done it's great and it's good to see you're still writing! :)

[John Stussy]

After reading this several times through, and getting different meanings out of it, I have to say I enjoy how abstract it is. More fun when a poem brings up a different meaning with each read, this one will never get boring and will never be predictable. Awesome write!

[B-poet]

Very striking and sound. I like the deepth and meaning within your poem. Good work.