Death Breath.

if you’d like to see the breath of death

turn your eyes to the city streets out(in)side

bleak and dreary, like

winter snow

the fire of ice cold precision, raptured and pale

It render’s me weak in hours of solitude flesh and bone

Strewn across the seas

lingering taste of salt in wounds;

with bodies forever broken,

instrumental ribcages breaking out of tune

and,

dying is fine

Author's Note

abstract piece, so be gentle with reviews, haha.

Reviews

[Orlando Murcia]

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!

Lol joking


You have such a wonderful ways with words :)

In an abstract sort of way :P

[Sami Khalil]

Strewn across the seas


lingering taste of salt in wounds;

with bodies forever broken,
Lovely write... Thank you for sharing...:)

[PadfootBlack]

I love this. Passionately.

[EYES OF MY SOUL]

The question running through my mind was the thoughts running through your mind while you were writing this poem it just seem so mystical ,a thriller of a poem this is i commend you.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"dying is fine"

this is powerful...so unlike "do not go gently into that good night"

this is acceptance of death...sort of emily dickinson style...

with the outrage we have at how the world has gone to pieces...do we really want to stick around...me personally...not sure i want to be here in 20 years..

i feel ice cold at what is going on..what i see, what i feel...

the chills...

this poem really presents a feeling to the reader...and i related on several levels.

[An owl on the moon]

What a cold, dark lit piece that chills the mind with winter's hauntings... I truly loved the moving shadows that seem to play in your letters and lines amidst the fractured landscapes.

[Natasha]

the grammar is a bit off, you could use commas in a few places and

"bleak and dreary, like
winter snow"

i'd more so suggestion
"bleak and dreary
like, winter snow"

i felt the ending was a bit odd- i'm not sure if the "and,"
needs to be there, it disrupts the flow of the poem

other then that, overall, this was a good poem filled with unique and great descriptive word usages

[Richard Man]

A fragile piece. Is dying fine? The sun always shines somewhere just above the clouds, somewhere on earth it is warm. Hope is a ripe orange.

[Circe]

the imagery is beautiful and woven like wisps of wire.. it's gentle as the release of a breath or sigh and heavy like footsteps crunching your heart.. excellent piece... love it.