Harvard.

Something new, and something special. A moment that you can rightfully call yours. :)

You god damn ethereal man. 

You've got me dancing with your ghost.

I want you here;

 To reduce down to nothing with you, to sink into the asphalt with you.

I want to talk you down and take off your colors.

Lay me down right next to you and your good graces.

Stop time with me tonight.

Let's get swallowed by the night sky and it's accomplices,

I meant it when I said you were beautiful.

I just know you're there on my heart;

branded, healed, and scarred.

You're worthy of being some sort of stellar,

"you are my star."

 You're the only star in my sky, darling.

You're the only person I want to be with in this world.

Just stop time with me tonight.

Reviews

There's a sort of distance here that I feel is holding you back from really portraying your emotions or feelings to the readers. I really like conceptually, the ideas here, but they don't ever seem to touch the ground. You need to make sure that the reader has a mental picture of the person addressed in the poem, or else it reads as though it were too narrowly focused or narcissistic. You only give the reader your perspective and you never explain anything about the "you" of the poem, besides that he/she was "beautiful," and had "good graces." The reader needs more. By painting a picture of this person, you can actually say what you want without using narrative, just simple actions. And those actions can be determiners of philosophy or personal feelings. I think you have a lot of talent, and your ideas are very sound. you just need to work on your approach a little bit. Overall i liked this poem, and what it was trying to convey. Hope this helped. Good luck with your work in the future. Thanks

[DamienHino]

you mention "with your ghost.
I want you here;
To reduce down to nothing with you, to sink into the asphalt with you"
to me it i got the lust, clothless, and losing yourself with him in these lines. Then
"I want to talk you down and take off your colors." you add this and the word colors idk adds a new aspect of it making the entire poem brighten up, and more vibrant...everything fit perfectly you have a way with words is an understatement for you.

[Moonflower]

This had interesting metaphors. good write :)

[Orlando Murcia]

Very strong piece, I love your passion . Continue writing!

[John Stussy]

Beautiful, graceful, and all-out awesome. The gentle desire and selfless intent wrapping that desire was wonderful. The guy who this is about should be extremely proud to make you feel that way, it's awesome seeign this sort of emotion brought to words.

[Robin]

this is a song to sing from mountaintops, nice !

[vincentbals]

Lovely poem... so dreamy, yet real. Nicely written!