Harvard.

Something new, and something special. A moment that you can rightfully call yours. :)

You god damn ethereal man. 

You've got me dancing with your ghost.

I want you here;

 To reduce down to nothing with you, to sink into the asphalt with you.

I want to talk you down and take off your colors.

Lay me down right next to you and your good graces.

Stop time with me tonight.

Let's get swallowed by the night sky and it's accomplices,

I meant it when I said you were beautiful.

I just know you're there on my heart;

branded, healed, and scarred.

You're worthy of being some sort of stellar,

"you are my star."

 You're the only star in my sky, darling.

You're the only person I want to be with in this world.

Just stop time with me tonight.

Reviews

There's a sort of distance here that I feel is holding you back from really portraying your emotions or feelings to the readers. I really like conceptually, the ideas here, but they don't ever seem to touch the ground. You need to make sure that the reader has a mental picture of the person addressed in the poem, or else it reads as though it were too narrowly focused or narcissistic. You only give the reader your perspective and you never explain anything about the "you" of the poem, besides that he/she was "beautiful," and had "good graces." The reader needs more. By painting a picture of this person, you can actually say what you want without using narrative, just simple actions. And those actions can be determiners of philosophy or personal feelings. I think you have a lot of talent, and your ideas are very sound. you just need to work on your approach a little bit. Overall i liked this poem, and what it was trying to convey. Hope this helped. Good luck with your work in the future. Thanks

[Shane William]

So where are all the wonderfully poetic girls like you? Oh yeah, only on the internet (sad face). This is an amazing, beautiful poem and I hope the guy it's about appreciates it.

[LenLenxRawr]

I love it a lot ;)
My favorite part is how the last three lines fit together
amazing
really felt like a darling.

[Dream Weaver]

Sounded angry at first then suddenly
mellowed to a keen adoration...
Lovely write CL......

[c.m.]

You god damn ethereal man.
You've got me dancing with your ghost.
I want you here;
To reduce down to nothing with you, to sink into the asphalt with you.
I want to talk you down and take off your colors.
Lay me down right next to you and your good graces.

I can't begin to explain how perfect that is. Wonderful piece here.

[beatles1189]

I really enjoyed this piece, each line flowed perfectly into the other and kept me alert throughout the readings. I also enjoyed the ambiguity of this poem it is clear enough to understand the point, yet still had a mysterious aspect to it. very nice :D

[fireblossom]

I love your soul. You write impressions and those are sweet and real. This poem is a touching performance art piece. Hard to walk the line between a real emotion and melodrama. That's the sweet spot of great poetry. Great writing.

[Paul Okeke]

nice one candy love...it's great...really felt like a darling...good one

I really like this. My favorite part is how the last three lines fit together

[Aven]

I like how you express emotions, your use of metaphores, your use of monologue, but most of all I liked the words "god damn". These are two words that should be used in poems more often. ^^

[Andrew Scorah]

this is a rock opera of a poem, full of imagery,brilliant.