Art; your body, your heart.

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Your body is a guitar, the bass, the DRUMS.

Your arms go for miles along your torso, 

a width created by myth, or the Gods.

You're a structure built by ancient Romans.

You're a mystery I've yet to explore.

I'm seeing the stretch of your shoulders,

the way they look in the shadow of the night,

i could draw you, you're so beautiful.

I'm no artist,

but the lines you've got have me tangled in their endearing composition.

Music plays.

I can't get you off of my brain.

I need your body to survive tonight.

A perfect symmetry ranges from your cheek bones, 

to your hazy green eyes.

The curvature of your spine leaves me at ease,

you can't bend, and you don't break so easily.

The anatomy of you is breathtaking.

I'm wandering through the depths of your framework;

a wanderlust.

Your body is graced by skin that is liquid and pristine. 

I want to see you in all your entirety.

Your eloquent fingers, connected to such lovely hands.

Strings of tactile perfection.

Through your faultless chest,  and the elegance of your clavicle, lies the most remarkable piece of art of I've seen:

Your heart.

Author's Note

I'm well aware of its cheesiness, but still. ha Any ideas on how to give this more depth would be amazinggggg <3

Reviews

[TAO]

Cheesy? Exactly what is wrong with cheesy? More depth? Why do you need more depth? Is this not deep enough? It's like falling, reading this... It's...a pristine work of art, to say the least. The love you show in this work, the sheer...poetry... It's awe inspiring. Well written, well structured, and all around...cheesy... Very nice work, Ms.

[TadKent]

This is great, really. I loved your comparisons, and i've never seen a piece so tastefully sensual. Enough to cause a turn on but not enough to make someone feel dirty. Incredible balance here, I've never thought that someone examining someone else could be so artistic and beautiful.:)

[Andrew Scorah]

oh and i forgot to say its an amazing weave of words allready,if its not broke dont fix it.

[Andrew Scorah]

tell the reader more about the music he is playing and somehow make it feel like the music is emanating from his body every instrument, that could give it more depth, just an idea to toy with.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is amazing. The description and detail made the words alive and strong. The emotion and feeling come out in every line. Total poem was a great pleasure to read. You are a outstanding writer. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Poetry Girl]

haha cheesy is not a bad thing and even if it was, this isnt cheesy. and if you got any deeper i think you would b in the core of the earth haha that probably sounded LAME. anywayz this is an awesome poem! i mean really great! you make the man sounds beautiful and perfect. like the best looking guy ever to exsist. then at the end you say how he also has such a great heart which gives this whole poem a totally different meaning than what origianlly was seen. thats truly great and i think its even better that you were able to capture that. i looove this poem! you did SUCH a GREAT job! fantastic :)

I really think the real strength of this poem is in the first stanza. Look at what you set up for the reader instantly. You opened up a comparison of body to Music, and comparison of body to structure. I think these are both solid places to start from. The problem lies within the rest of the piece. It's kind of all over the place. I'm not saying that's not good, but the reader would be settled with the concepts you delivered in the first stanza. Try breaking these ideas into their own separate stanzas, alternating if you have to. For example, one stanza = the body as music, and the next = the body as structure. You might be able to say a lot of things by doing this. Play with the grouping of ideas and see what you can get. Very nice draft so far. Hope this helped you. Thanks.

[Frantzuu]

This is a great piece of poetry. I love the concept it's awesome, very artistic. Great work :D

[Robin]

the last line says it all , love the band analogy

[DamienHino]

This is not a s****y analysis of his body ahah this is epic! Okay I can't say I relate to this poem becuase obviously it's about a guy. But I could say I would love to be appreciated like this ahha. "You're a structure built by ancient Romans." and the last lines are a good way to end it. You could definetly tell your in awe by his being.