Art; your body, your heart.

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Your body is a guitar, the bass, the DRUMS.

Your arms go for miles along your torso, 

a width created by myth, or the Gods.

You're a structure built by ancient Romans.

You're a mystery I've yet to explore.

I'm seeing the stretch of your shoulders,

the way they look in the shadow of the night,

i could draw you, you're so beautiful.

I'm no artist,

but the lines you've got have me tangled in their endearing composition.

Music plays.

I can't get you off of my brain.

I need your body to survive tonight.

A perfect symmetry ranges from your cheek bones, 

to your hazy green eyes.

The curvature of your spine leaves me at ease,

you can't bend, and you don't break so easily.

The anatomy of you is breathtaking.

I'm wandering through the depths of your framework;

a wanderlust.

Your body is graced by skin that is liquid and pristine. 

I want to see you in all your entirety.

Your eloquent fingers, connected to such lovely hands.

Strings of tactile perfection.

Through your faultless chest,  and the elegance of your clavicle, lies the most remarkable piece of art of I've seen:

Your heart.

Author's Note

I'm well aware of its cheesiness, but still. ha Any ideas on how to give this more depth would be amazinggggg <3

Reviews

[TAO]

Cheesy? Exactly what is wrong with cheesy? More depth? Why do you need more depth? Is this not deep enough? It's like falling, reading this... It's...a pristine work of art, to say the least. The love you show in this work, the sheer...poetry... It's awe inspiring. Well written, well structured, and all around...cheesy... Very nice work, Ms.

[Shards]

Very charming - thought this was fresh!
warmly and sincerely written
with a unique flow
that leads you along effortlessly
glad i stumbled across it

[shoaib]

line one - i would consider adding "and the drums"
last line in stanza one i would take out the repeated "you're"
i d consider a different word other then "stretch"

"I'm no artist,but the lines you've got have me..."
i would change this line because You've is "you have" so you end up with the word HAVE twice back to back (you have got have me)

overall if you are considering the metaphor of music, perhaps pick one instrument and go with that or go back to the first line... how is he like the drums ?

great work with this, i hope you find these help you in a constructive way
peace and keep writing :)))
s

[Just Charles]

Yes, somewhat cheesy, but an original cheesy. I like it a lot!

[Rossen]

you could go deeper then skin

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Any true artist could appreciate this poem.
I really liked the way you captured the beauty
of the admired.

[GTVile]

Everyone else pretty much summed it up, so I'll keep it short. Stunning. Great job.

[Jeffrey Gershom]

This is an amazing poem! The metaphors that you used are ones that go exactly to something as sensual as the human form: musical instruments, architecture, sculpture. Your eyes must me glued to such a form. The work flows well, as a matter of fact, the variations of line length and stanza size are similar to your heart fluttering when you are in his presence.
Very good indeed!

[Adam :P]

wow yeah this has a lot of depth not cheesy at all candylove! :P.
i think its magnificent how it is.

[Frank F. Atanacio]

I like this, very well done, and the format-- wonder :)