Uninhibited and unscriptied...
Relax and enjoy - sink into a comfortable old chair and recall a time when life had a meaning as powerful as love... eternity - eternally - equivalent
Two Equals We
Living inside each other, we know what we feel.
Passions… majestic… creation, feels so surreal.
Soar to new heights, a beautiful Mountain View.
Every moment given to us, we discover something new.
Hand in hand embraces, deeply emotions grow.
No words left unspoken, each other WE do know.
We've been given the gift of one, an equivalent of two.
As once - a million times spoken, I am you.
Attempt to dust away, the residual effect.
Set aside the consequences, this now - we'll neglect.
Word searching warriors, we are spiritual no doubt.
Hand to heart, with these words we will never be without.
Climb that hill; we'll see the massive valley below.
Fate has brought us to this point, like ink on paper - flow.
We live in today, moving forward to forever.
Love; it grows of magnitude, until the 'twelfth of never'.
Almost... Maybe I was caught up absorbing the rythym of the words. I loved the first four lines, waited to feel the beat again and didn't, but was compensated with the flourishing brush stroke of the clever last one, '...until the twelfth of never.'
Nice work.
I LOVE THIS. Had to get that out. I'm not quite sure about the we being capitalized is very effecctive. I think the line speaks for itself without the emphasis. You can honestly tell that there is love there. It's really quite beautiful, something to put on the wall of your bedroom. The images that are formed and created are great.
Beth
Don't stop editing, this poem is worth special attention.
There are a lot of collaborative, subtle meanings to what you've written--but sometimes the poem feels improvised--I know from my own experience that sometimes I improvise lines just so I can continue creating, but coming back to the writing after a good rest or otherwise inspirational activity, I re-evaluate those lines and excercise my brain for wordplay better than what, beginning, I improvised.
It's nice to see the type of heart here, were I your good friend reading what you chose to share with me, I would have come to know you better through these words, but as an anonymous, reading writer who has never known you or been known by you and who views you through the lens of 'aspiring writer'--my advice is not to put this on the shelf and consider it final--your prose could have much more poetic power.
I hope you realize I observe your talent. During my journey as a mortal, I have wised to the idea that talent is only an aide to the development of skill; more, skill is available to all... talent seems congenital! So write, edit, and know your talent will aide you in ways not all have access.
Yes, I really enjoyed this piece
it has a nice melodic singsongy feel when read out loud
'until the twelth of never' where from? love it's powerfull ending
J.P.O.et
does love like this even still exist I wonder? when it is so easily discarded when a bump in the road appears - I remain hopeful that it does - faithful that in time it comes to everyone. (I'm just in a mood this morning lol). It did take me there - so you've done your job as a writer.
It took me somewhere, it took me a lot of places, good job, I loved the imagery and the way you had to make the reader really think about what the words were trying to say.
Almost... Maybe I was caught up absorbing the rythym of the words. I loved the first four lines, waited to feel the beat again and didn't, but was compensated with the flourishing brush stroke of the clever last one, '...until the twelfth of never.'
Nice work.