ONE

The One - YOU knew I was... the One - WE are...

One

 

ONE Love... This we have created - ONE.
Living in the moment, looking into the next...
We grow stronger in a faith that most do not
experience.
We keep our hands on this world - we own it.
Looking into the sky, those stars immense oblivious,
we are their keepers.
We are ONE, this Love above and beyond any previous.
Consider the source never forget... Life Partners.
Let the waves wash out - reach for the Mountain Tops...
Creating everything new... the future - we use the past.
My Love is an Eternal Fire... engulfed.
Embrace our fulfillment...
Carry me...
Fill me...
I am your mirror reflection.

 

Copyright ©2008  Candida Dawne Colson

 

Author's Note

I am intrigued... please do give me honesty.

Reviews

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Lovely, Candi.. a beautiful poem and nicely written.. I would love a love as this, we all would..
It also reminded me of U2 One.. one love but we're not the same we've got to carry each other, carry each other.. of course they are talking brotherly and sisterly love..
God poem.

Chloe
xoxo

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

My reviews are genuine in response. The things I have to say are strictly in my opinion. You can take and leave anything I say at your leisure.

"ONE Love... This we have created - ONE." = I believe this would stronger of an ending than it is as a beginning. You could even omit this sentence and show the audience this instead of telling them straight from the beginning. I believe that the subject matter of this piece is clear enough to give the audience the satisfaction of not having this line.

"Living in the moment, looking into the next..." = I adore this line. It really gives a sense of understanding, hope and loyalty. I don't think you need the periods, you could simply use a comma or no punctation at all.

"We grow stronger in a faith that most do not
experience." = I am slightly confused about this line. When I hear the word faith, I think of religion or faith in ones self, but because of the way this is laid out, I am unsure what you mean and would like some details about what makes this faith so much stronger than anyone else has experienced. Also, I thought the end of the line was "not" instead of "experience", and it really broke the line for me because then I had to reread it to get it's full potential. I would go with a smaller font to make sure that everything you want on one line, is in fact, on one line.

"We keep our hands on this world - we own it." = This is a great line. Would like a little more detail or to show how you own it, but this line fullfils it's purpose.

"Looking into the sky, those stars immense oblivious," = The only problem I am having with this line is immense oblivious. I am unsure as to whether you mean immensly oblivious or what? It is an odd phrase that, at this point, I am unsure how it fits.

"we are their keepers." = I seperated this last bit of the last line because I like this alot. It says a lot about the people within the poem and where their love can take them, with their heads in the stars but the body centered and owning earth.

"We are ONE, this Love above and beyond any previous." = I think this line is a little over the top. We already have this impression from the poem itself and seems redundant to repeat.

"Consider the source never forget... Life Partners." = I enjoy the part of the source never being forgotten. I think it gives a push in the right direction to how you want your audience thinking. Again, I think, "Life Partners" is a little redundant.

"Let the waves wash out - reach for the Mountain Tops..." = I think you could play with this part a little more and maybe place it in the poem before the mentioning of the stars and space. A build up from worldly things such as the ocean and mountains to something far beyond humanly reach, like space. That would give your readers the sense of this love growing from something physical and within reach to something more mental/emotionally that not everyone experiences.

"Creating everything new... the future - we use the past." = "From the past, we create a new future" ?

"My Love is an Eternal Fire... engulfed." = You have switched from using "we" and "our" to strictly the speaker (me). This is a little jolting and my brain automatically wanted to change it to "our" love instead. Why the sudden change in speaker?

"Embrace our fulfillment...
Carry me...
Fill me...
I am your mirror reflection." = I would get rid of all the punctuation here so that the words would flow together, to be a solid stream of thought. I believe it would make it stronger.


=YourMidnightSecret=

[Jocelin]

i think this peom is veryemotional...
life partners are full of magic and joy and this poem shows how much love and emotion and magic can be shown through love.
~Saphara :)

[Ahmad Alhour]

Honesty indeed!

Well to begin with, I like the layout of this poem, it is similar to the layout of Love Letters.

Second, I can sense from your writing that you are an experienced writer who has a reason, a thought, an aim to accomplish, and it's very obvious from the experienced use of words and the listing of rhymes at their suitable places. To be more specific... the rhyming words are listed where they are expected to be!

Third, you have a good level of imagination. the dream-scapes you visualize and write of are done by using good metaphors and images to be kept in mind!

I really like this poem!

Best regards.

[Aamna!]

omg
I LOVE LOVE LOVE
THIS LINE --

My Love is an Eternal Fire

amazing!

your poem makes me feel all warm inside
:)

[~Logic of the Valar~]

Absolutely stunning! It filled me with very amazing imagery. I wrote a poem on here about this same subject, although I can tell you it pales in comparison to your understanding of the subject. Very well done!!

[Kitty]

It's been a long time since I have read a poem this pure, this beautiful. The words are well chosen and the flow is perfect. You make me actually want to believe in love again... :)

Fantastic job!!!

Josie

[Albert Freeman]

This poem is..perfect. True love is exactly like that. You are one together. In perfect harmony with each other.

Living in the moment, looking into the next...
We grow stronger in a faith that most do not
experience.

I'm a firm believer in not living in the past, in living in the now and the future. True words.

[[untitled]]

I think this is really good! The structure was perfect! Everything was perfect!

[Kenneth Hunt]

I am touched by this piece, im adding it to my library. The meaning and the emotion mix, to form a piece that I myself and many others love.

[Dagger Jones]

A nicely timed piece, it has flow and said alot to me at the time of reading, I might even be a better person for it. Inspiration for the lovers o the world.