She never really quits, she says she did.

TW- SH/suicidal ideation.

She was far, FAR from clean. 2013 is when active suicidal ideation started after years of passive she finally tried, she always remembers the first one, the first scar and the first sense of bitter sweet blood trickling down her arm whilst she puts lines, deep lines in her soft and innocent skin which saw no suffering till that day.

"I'm only going to do it once, i promise"

OH BOY how wrong she was, single digit cuts with minimal bleed and minimum scaring turned into being slouched on the floor with a 0.36 BAC drifting in and out of consciousness like a sail boat stuck in a monstrous, raging storm waiting for the final blow to send every person overboard. Sat in a pool of her own blood, own misery and tears written off as a alcohol related problem little did anyone know that was the date she tried- 2015

"I'm too scared to get help anymore, my true feelings are overwhelmed by the fear of being sent to places much worse than a hospital or a police station. Hey why don't we try something new this time" HER (April 20th 2016)

"Sure what do you feel the need to try, you do know i'm always gonna be here no matter what happens right?, good. I care about you too much to ever see you go. It's time for a change, i listen to what you have to say and you listen to me to see what' best" HIM (April 20th 2016)

"I don't know how long i can do this for anymore, i don't have a purpose to be here anymore, nobody loves me. I'm gonna leave for days see if anyone can notice, then i will be gone for good but at the same time i don't want to see you hurt, see u suffering so as much as i want too i also want to quit." HER (April 20th 2016)

"HEY, DONT YOU THINK ABOUT ATTEMPTING AGAIN, i'm glad that u also want to stop but we will get through this together i promise, i love you and always will. From now on i will do everything in my power to help, we will call every day, meet up every weekend and spend time with each other, we will try to stop self harm together." HIM (April 20th 2016)

He did exactly what he promised to do, every night they called until sunrise doing whatever he could to make her feel appreciated and worthwhile. They introduced a self harm goal where every week they didn't self harm they would do something special. Though it took a few months to be clean for at least a week they ended up doing it in the end, so he thought.

"I'm really proud of you, 2 weeks being self harm free. How does that feel" HIM (October 2016)

"It feels great, thanks for everything your doing" (October 2016)

That was the biggest lie she ever told, she wasn't in fact 2 weeks clean, she was 2 hours clean but he would never know as she changed where she cut, a more private and harder to see area as she enjoyed the benefits of him being there and never wanted him to leave because she lied. She said she wanted to quit, but she never did.

Its 2023, she's finally getting the proper help she needed with the proper people and the best friendship she could ever asked for. She REALLY hopes he never leaves because he's all that she has and she don't even know it.- THE END

If anyone is ever struggling with mental health, suicidal ideation or ANY other concern, reach out to someone as soon as possible before its too late. There are people who truly care about you even if you don't realise or can see it through the masked thoughts. There are organisations and people to call if you feel like people will judge you. Also a reminder to check on your friends and family, someone may have been quieter than usual or may be acting differently, getting angry easy, visible recent SH, and many other things to look out for. Some people don't realise how far a talk or message can go.