The Finding

 

        I, Larry Denninger, was in Madrid, Spain when the Artifact was found in Tibet. It had a ghostly stillness surrounding it. From day one the population within five miles of the Artifact seemed to be disappearing. The Artifact was stunningly beautiful in its appearance. Anyone within ten feet on it would begin to suffer severe dementia and hallucinations in five to ten days of contact.

       The Tibetan government was trying to conceal the historical find, but the ones who did see it thought it was a religious item used by their gods’ appointed elders to create the Earth, the sun, and the universe. The government officials tried to encourage the civilians that it was an ancient meteor, but to no avail. When the affected people began to show new symptoms and die, the region was quarantined immediately due to the infectivity of this new disease called “Artifact Syndrome”. The disease was said to have been gone, and the quarantine was lifted.

        The few affected that got out when to various counties including America, France, and Spain. When I heard of the new disease and of the escapees I was not undeterred in my efforts, I packed and fled to a little European country named Latvia. There I thought I would be safe from the deadly disease and be able to live the rest of my life peacefully.

           When I heard of the new disease and of the escapees I was not undeterred in my efforts, I packed and fled to a little European country named Latvia. There I thought I would be safe from the deadly disease and be able to live the rest of my life peacefully.

Reviews

[ettorney]

Nice intro for an interesting premise. Please do not use numbers in your writing. Use the words that spell the number. For example "anyone within ten feet..." You are a writer not a mathematician.

Also, first person point of view past tense is really hard to make work well. It also deprives the reader of the fantasy that "it could be me". Third person past is better (that's just my opinion). First person narratives can work but they are hard to do.

[Livana Lowell]

Hey, you kind of repeated yourself with the last two paragraphs. You don't have to keep saying that the protagonist wanted to escape the deadly disease seeking a peaceful life twice.

Other than that, I think it can be a lot better if it were a little lengthned. I think it's good and will continue reading whenever I get the chance.