the angel that made me

I never believed the devil used to be an angel until I saw myself through the eyes of those around me and saw the horns hidden in my hair, saw the wicked eyes staring back at me.

Because how could someone so evil, so hurtful and nasty, come from such a beautiful place? I didn't know until the labels started to fit with the jigsaw puzzles that I am made of.

I find myself awake in bed at two thirty in the morning, and the messages sting hotter when it's dark, burn deeper; words whispered through the phone echo throughout my empty room as the realisation dawns.

The devil was an angel the same way that I am the devil - hard to believe until invisible claws are sunken into your chest and you are unable to leave; I am the poison that kills, I am the disease that ruins, I am the weapon that destroys.

I am the devil and the devil is me, and now I finally see.

Accusations sink their claws deeper within my soul, dirty and dangerous words that make too much sense, and the angel that I ruined tells me the truth - that I am the nightmare unleashed on the world, the villain that needs to be stopped.

But still I can't help but wonder, because just like how the devil used to be an angel, is it possible for an angel to have both a halo around a beautiful head and a barbed tongue behind pretty lips?

What is it that made me fall from grace? Did I jump, or was I pushed? Heaven stares down at me but the faces I see up there are scarier than the ones I find in hell.

At least in hell I know the monsters I surround myself with just by looking at them, at least the monsters that whisper the word ally don't stab me in the back the second I turn around.

I'm still awake at three in the morning but now I realise that I wasn't the dead rose - I was the living one that got left to die - I realise that the angel screams that the colour red means blood when it should mean the colour of love, of us, of hearts beating in time with a song that no one but us can hear.

I never believed the devil used to be an angel until I realised that he dragged me down with him and created the monster I am.

Author's Note

*an old poem from over a year ago while at my worst point in life, but hey I'm proud of what I was able to create as a non-writer.

Reviews

[JessyJacob]

I know what you want
You dont want what you want
Even if i make things for you
You just stop me getting in
What do you want exactly
Still i am asking
I love the way you do things
Which made me to be here which
You said i wanted you to be me me to be you
The thing makes us together alOVE WAS never ever torn apart as it is tge source of life for everyone that keeps birthing and others killing them or it but we never stopped loving
Though confusing us a lot misleading self of us
You kmow very well
I know very well
That we cant act anymore..
We just need each other
You are committed
Me too
Both wrestling again again for others

Do we want this...
Love
Jesy jacob

[JessyJacob]

Dreama are devils for those who cant make it
Dreams are angels for those who make it
Its the one looks different
I believe in my dreams which try to be angels
I never do back stab
It is what you want fight with to make a conversation
Then also i wont encourage
But i would see you as mine f*** no matter how poor i go with money body or age.

I see my dreams devils in then

So no wonder what it is
But i just believe dreams tgat is what i want a devil or angel
Dont spoil your health
Its smoke that degrades us rather it makes you think live.

Jessyjacob.