Go Ahead With My Last Breath

Literally, I Die.

I am: so much

not a lot

a bit of it all

bullet-ridden and criss-crossed with discretion and mezzanine imagination

sleeping.

I am going to sleep

     going to see you later

     sleep with you later

I am 

we

   are so much

dieing

feel like I might

soon enough or not at all

I am going to live forever for ever

in and around infinity

infinite and gazing towards wherever ever ends.

going to wait forever for you

I am lieing

living

no, just lieing.

I am honest

not sure what truth there is

    going to have to deal with

I am stuck: on you, you’re great

    on death

I am sure it happens

not sure how

does a life die

or get up and walk away?

I am my grandfather,

he’s dieing, I s’pose

or else just moving on to whatever’s next.

I am sure I will do the same.

     going to miss him

going to write him a letter telling him who to say hi for me

in heaven

I am positive there is no heaven

this is heaven

I am the angel of some long dead soul living in their idea of heaven

I am going to make my heaven more stable

where money replaces rain and cigarettes cure cancer

I am going to make this life mine, I promise.

              leave it all behind, I swear.

       myself.

behind.

smoke ‘till I die

drink ‘till I drown.

I am drowning.

I am telling you.

I am drowning.

      done

      gone

      going to stick it out

just playing.

I am so lucky.

I am telling you.

I am so lucky.

I am in love with love

      with sorrow

the color blue

blood

I am

my blood

is blue

with melancholy.

I am getting up and walking away on a whole other level

and transcending my existence

and going nowhere.

I am the reflection of a windblown mind

of my mother’s soul

my father’s dreams

of my own apocalypse

drifting in and out of time.

I am watching time sway in the stars

the way falling in love sways in our arms

in and away from time

I am unaware of where time exists

I think it’s everywhere all at once

I want to say time doesn’t exist

but it has to

or else I wouldn’t be a quarter of the way to being dead.

I am

my family

is breaking apart

is all I ask for

putting the pieces back together.

I am going to make it

no matter f*****g what

I am going to disappear

like moments into memory

My moments are lost

into some stream of conscious posody rants

I am living because of words on a page

and smoke from a silver

and coffee from neglected labor

dharma from moonlit daydreams.

I am

you

are the Messiah

but only in your eyes.

I am forever

but only in your eyes.

I am not in control of my own clarity

That can’t be normal.

But I’m so quiet about it.

I suppose everyone else is, too.

I am in awe of the life ahead.

of how quickly life is over.

I hope it’s mixed with struggle and bliss and champagne and sex.

I’ve been thinking that

I would die when the last word is written,

it’s just a feeling,

so I’m going to go ahead with my last breath.

Reviews

[Megan]

Why the heck hasn't anyone reviewed this??! It's brilliant! I love the way this flows and how you really dive into the emotion your feeling. Its so raw and honest. I love the way it sounds like a cacophony of thoughts from a drunk. you capture life perfectly here, the pain, the fear, the loneliness, the desire, and the determination. This is poetry. This really called to my heart and I appreciate you posting this here. Amazing piece of work and I plan on reading a lot more :)
Thanks!

[SM Davis]

I agree with Megan. The strength of this piece is in the brutal honesty...life lived...life breathed....

[Mauricio Montoya]

great job, like how it comes together, keep on writing.

[cartera]

A smshinmg free flow of thoughts that are transcrived into the written word for our wonderment and pleasure. Great honest modern poetry. 'Wiondblown min d' is superb.
ATB
Alex.

[Jvl narasimharao]

This is really a complex write.You seem to be a great philosopher
yoursJVL

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

This is incredibly different, brilliantly original. Enjoyed this read.

[Tom Benson]

A lot of mental angst going on here. I was thrown a bit at first by the layout because I thought it might be a glitch with the system but no. A lot of information put across but the summary fairly does it's job and reflects the title and point of the piece.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is amazing. It went in may directions and raised many questions.
"I am the reflection of a windblown mind
of my mother’s soul
my father’s dreams
of my own apocalypse
drifting in and out of time."
The above line was my favorite lines in the poem. We are built by elders and experiences. Hard to know what is the right road to be on sometimes. Thank you for the amazing poem.
Coyote

[J]

wow! i'll have what you're having!

..... free falling free form collection of kamikazi thoughts on steroids! some really charming, profound, surprising and worrisome lines here. i want to quote them back to you as they affected me, as it is sometimes powerful for the writer to experience what knocked a reader sideways:

"bullet-ridden and criss-crossed with discretion and . . . " woooo ~ violent! yet carefully so ... how you do dat?

"I am not in control of my own clarity/That can’t be normal." and here is momentary clarity ..... ;)

"... of how quickly life is over./I hope it’s mixed with struggle and bliss and champagne and sex." and this is my fave. you've traversed some pitch black alleyways, sunlit malls and depths of freezing rivers.

[I Cast a Shadow]

This was a really awesome read. Much different from most the stuff I see. Loved the true angst and known absurdities. I agree a lot with Megan on her review though I wouldn't go out and spew it's brilliant. It's really well thought out and I can tell you took your time figuring out your flow. I love the way thoughts are split up in this. It's both organized and disorganized. This reminded me of various authors and musicians and poets that I love like Bob Dylan, Vonnegut, and Hemingway with the dry desire and frustration with the world. I love the line about your grandpa and heaven and later with raining money, cigarettes curing cancer, and hopes of champagne and sex. Really cool irony and inquiry. I will read more of your stuff. Cheers!

[Umar Hassan]

You may have meant to write stream of consciousness when you steam of consciousness but really they both apply. With a few typos corrected, you're ready to go. Enjoyed this!