A journey to contentment

I've liked you instantly the first time I met you. 

You were funny, cool, and refreshing. 

You could easily make me laugh which is not an easy thing to do. 

Your confidence shined unlike any other person I've ever met. 

You were so sure of yourself, without that arrogance that's usually accompanied with it. 

You were a breath of fresh air. A free-spirit that is to be envied. 

But it wasn't until that day you caught me as I almost tumbled over from the sudden jolt of the train we were on, that I really laid my eyes on you and thought you could be the one.

It was magical. A momentary touch was all it took for you to entrap me. 

And I've fallen. I've fallen hard.

  

Everything you do from then on seems to be perfect to me. You could do no wrong. 

Every time you touched my hand, electricity flows through my body. 

And your kisses, oh those kisses were the best thing I've ever tasted in my whole life. 

I felt that finally my dreams have come to life. 

Finally, I found someone who could be a perfect match for me. 

A balancing entity of some sort, to my usually unstable persona.

But everyone saw what my eyes and my heart couldn't see. 

They saw everything that was wrong about you. But I didn't believe them.

Countless times, I argued about them being wrong because I knew you. Or so I thought.

I thought I knew the real you. I couldn't understand why they can't see you the way I do.

I couldn't understand how they could miss the kindness behind those eyes; 

That tenderness and sincerity that you usually reserve just for me; 

That smile of yours that could easily melt anyone's heart; 

That perfect man, that is hidden behind the shell of a mischievous boy. 

I couldn't understand how they couldn't see the love that I thought i have been seeing throughout the years.

But I was proven wrong. You proved me wrong.

After years of a roller coaster ride of love with you, finally you opened me eyes. 

Like a cliche love story, you broke my heart and went on to pursue the girl of your dreams which unfortunately, wasn't me. 

Suddenly, my perfect love had come to an end. And it all happened so fast. 

From hearing you say you love me one day and then asking me to forget about you the next. 

My life, my dreams, and my heart were shattered. 

You so abruptly asked me to move on like it was that easy. 

It was at that moment that my eyes were opened. 

My eyes were opened to all the wrong things about you and it made me realize what love should be and what love really is. 

I couldn't see before how your eyes wouldn't shine every time you see me.

I couldn't see how you wouldn't hold me in public or show me often enough that you love me. 

I couldn't see how you constantly make excuses not to be with me.

I couldn't see how you treat me, not as your only girl but as just one of your girls.

I couldn't see how you always tried to say goodbye permanently. 

Maybe I did see everything, but I refused to really see it as it is. 

I always made excuses for your behavior. 

Every time you push me away and make up reasons not to be with me, I console myself. 

I make myself believe that you're just really busy and need some time for yourself. 

I made myself believe that our love was real and that it would never end.

The alternative, although it crossed my mind was too hard for me to bear.

How could anyone accept, that the love they cherished for so long would turn out to be just a myriad of lies?

I couldn't even think of losing you, I would not accept losing you.

But just because we couldn't, doesn't mean we wouldn't. 

And so, I lost you.  

But I say to you, the one who broke my heart and made me realize what love really is, thank you. 

Thank you for breaking my heart and opening my eyes. 

I now see that true love isn't like the stories in the fairy tales, no matter how hard you wished it would be. 

It's not as easy as finding a prince charming and then suddenly live happily ever after. 

The hard truth is, there is no happily ever after.

It doesn't mean though that love isn't real. It is. And it's there. 

But love isn't just about happiness, and its not about sadness either.

It is a constant struggle to be happy. A constant struggle to be at peace. A constant struggle to be contented.

To say it simply then, "To love is to be contented". 

Happiness comes and goes, but what we really need to aim for is to be contented; 

To be contented with what we have because, although we always search for the best or for perfection, 

reality will tell you that this search will continue on and on and on, until we find contentment. 

I thought I found my contentment with you, although you couldn't find it with me. 

But then again, maybe this was meant to happen to us. 

Because my contentment wasn't good enough.

Because I was blinded with all the things I wanted to believe in.

I closed my eyes to things that would shatter my contentment.

But you knew. You always knew it wasn't enough. 

You weren't contented with me, but you wanted me to see.  

You wanted me to see, that this isn't it. 

That what we had, although it wasn't a lie, wasn't the real thing either. 

It was just a phase that we both had to go through. 

We were but companions, journeying towards the real thing. 

And our journey finally came to a fork road; 

Two different roads that lead to two different roads of contentment.  

So thank you. Thank you for leaving me to go on a  journey through your own.

Thank you for breaking my heart. 

Thank you for your absence. 

Thank you for everything. 

And now, I think it's time I go through mine.