Prologue

March, 25, 2220 Bradley checked his watch, three in the morning a date that will be one of the most famous in history.

            “Malcolm?” he said.

            ‘Yes sir?’

            “Is it ready?”

            ‘Not quite, it’s still forming.’

            Bradley felt his stomach do a back flip “It’s funny I have never been one to show nerves”

            ‘You have every right to be nervous; this is the first time since Jacob’

            “It won’t be like Jacob this time, it is the right dose, this time will be the time I feel it.”

            ‘So did Jacob.’

            “You’re not very comforting.”

            ‘Sir, I am merely stating the facts’

 Bradley shivered, the underground lab was never known for its warmth; but the cold didn’t matter, it was almost ready. Growing impatient Bradley went to the computer projected on the laboratory desk. 

‘Seventy-five percent sir’ said Malcolm though a speaker above Bradley. Malcolm was Yao Tec’s central computer system, it knew of everything that happened in the company, and in turn made the company more efficient, tonight however the computer had all its attention on Bradley, or so he thought.

 

About a half an hour later Bradley smiled this is it he thought in his hand there was a needle that looked larger then Bradley had remembered it. He gulped the nerves getting the best of him.

‘Sir, I feel you a rushing this, it needs to be tested.

“It is time, you and I both know it, the world is ready, and we will make history.”

Malcolm didn’t say any more about the issue.

Bradley knew what he must do he sat in the chair then strapped his wrists to the handles.

‘Just stay calm.’ Malcolm said

            A robot arm made its way toward Bradley’s left arm, it was a needle filled with a black looking liquid, Bradley felt goose bumps rise all over his body he closed his eyes an gulped.           The liquid entered into his blood stream, he began shaking violently, the pain was like none he had ever felt, the needle slowly left Bradley’s arm. He could not speak, let alone scream in pain. Bradley felt his arms and legs grown numb, he watched as his stink turned a deep shade of black, Bradley closed his eyes and painfully waited for the end.

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

This has a lot of potential, I must say. I really like that you started out in media res, and that you didn't give a lot of information. Just enough to get the reader interested. I certainly want to know what's going on and to connect all of the dots between the kind of experimental technology and medicine feel of it, as well as whatever happened to Jacob. And you seem to have a good grasp of dialogue. Most writers do the info dump in their beginnings, but you had none of this, which kept it shorter and interesting, as a prologue should be.

However, even if you are a very good writer, with the amount of mistakes in spelling and the missing punctuation, this is a very hard piece to read. You should always go through and cleean up the piece, make sure you have the correct punctuation, etc, because it's very distracting if you have a lot of errors, and you do. You also have a lot of comma splices (where you use commas where a period should be) and you use a lot of passive voice. If you don't know what that means, it is where you use To Be Verbs (be, being, is, am, are, was, were, had, etc) which detract from the action of the piece as a whole.

Two more nitpicky things. You once mention that he straps his wists to the armrests of the chair. This is a bit illogical, since once he straps one wrist, he wouldn't be able to strap the other one down. Perhaps the computer system should control the strapping of his arms.

"he watched as his stink turned a deep shade of black" Did you mean his skin turned black?

So, basically a readthrough and quick edit would really strengthen this up. But you did a good job overall. I like the foreshadowing in the last line of the second part.Although I do feel the explanation of what Malcolm is would be a bit less awkward and more logical if it came a little earlier. You could add a little bit more description of what it felt like when the liquid went into his arm. But other than that, you have a nice, promising start here. I really, really like the first paragraph. It caught my attention immediately, and you do a good job of changing up your sentence structure. This added a lot to your writing style to make it interesting and keep the writing from getting repetitive. This is an impressive piece, overall, and I can tell you are at least fairly serious about learning, so I hope my straightforwardness doesn't offend you. I entered your contest, so I felt it would be hypocritical of me to not give you at least one review. Hope I helped.