God made me, yet you can't blame,
Him, who made you, almost the same.
I really like the content of this poem particularly the last three lines. I think a way to fix the syntax a little would be to remove some of the punctuation so the reader can establish their own flow.
God made me yet you can't blame
Him who made you, almost the same.
while we are all such big fans of rhyme, i think that this could be EXTRAORDINARY if written a little more contemporary. some of the rhyming is stretched anyway, and I think you can really, really express yourself better if you gave yourself a little more freedom.
that being said, i like this. its an attack against those who all want to live cookie cutter people, or as "little people in the little boxes all made of ticky tacky." or something like that. and you are telling them that its okay to be different, its a good message I dont think ive seen so explicitly in a poem before. I like it. keep up the good word--and in spite of what i said, a lot of the language and word choice (I think) is really good.
Bravo!
I liked how you drew me in, and kept me until the end. Good job on that.
There were a few lines that either weren't long enough or short enough;
this one
"Why is it that no matter what I do,
I am marked as different than you?"
Neither of these quite fit. I'd change the first line to 'Why is it no matter what I do | I'm marked as so much less than you" or something like that.
"We are all different, yet all the same,
God made me, yet you can't blame,
Him, who made you, almost the same."
These three lines bothered me. I like the meaning, don't get me wrong, but neither the first nor the last quite fit. I would change the first line just a we bit--"We *all are* (instead of are all) different, yet all the same."
The second line is good, but the the third rhymes the same as the first. Can you find something else to rhyme with that?
Alright, now what I liked; It drew me in, made me keep reading, even though you were addressing a topic instead of telling a story. It takes real talent to do that, I'm saying! A lotta people try to write addressing a topic and it's just not very interesting, but you did really well.
Write on, brother!
I really loved this piece of writing a lot, this one is really so deep and thoughtful.
I also loved its flow too, it is very appealing to the reader.
Overall, a great write it is....Very well penned!
Keep writing...
Posted 15 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
"Why is it that so constantly,
I find you looking down on me?" The beginning line really drew me in. Good rhyming, and I can really relate to this write.
Being different is so important and I think you captured that excellently! If everyone was the same life would be boring, not to mention more than a little comformist. I love the last two lines:
"The road less traveled is rare to find,
but he who cuts his own, has his own mind."
The road less traveled really is hard to find but its so worth it when you get there. Amazing work :)
Yeah, I also like the photo :) The poem is great too, I love the message of embracing your differences and being proud of it, using it to your advantage...and not letting others tell you you are no good because you don't fit into their picture of what is normal or acceptable. Love the whole thing, nice piece!