Walk Home.

The landscape of an autumn night was gloomy at best. The wet, damp grass now smelt of charcoal and ash. The wind; chilling fingers of frost blew mercilessly at my lone figure. Even the stars were now just faint blotches  of white in the bleak and muddled sky. 

I am showered by a soft pool of light as I walk under one of the few remaining street lamps. Then pausing, I looked back into the eyes of a black swan. I blinked and its turbulent gaze blinked back. I closed my eyes, taking in the low drumming of faraway vehicles; reassuring me of my reason, and let a brisk sigh crystallize and prick the air as I walked back into the darkness seeking the Mistress I so questionably -adore.

Reviews

[Sharon]

Very descriptive and wonderful. Once again, beautifully written. Nice style and choice of words. I shall admit this is a unique piece of work. Great job. :)

[James Winter]

You have some beautiful descriptions and a lovely language. I'm however curious why this is a story rather than a poem? The way it is it could easily be rewritten into a poem and I think it could actually work better that way - but it is of course only a suggestion!

I'm a great fan of semicolons myself - I love using them and I understand anyone else who does. But in such a short piece they can seem rather heavy, especially since you don't really need them where they're used. Just writing "The wind is like chilling..." could work. However if you rewrite this into a poem, I think you could easily let your love for semicolons be - it just often works better in a short poem than such a short piece like this.

But no matter, beautiful language and stunning descriptions! It's a nice read.

[caixue]

Thank you very much for your kind and constructive words, I really appreciate it =]

Poetry in my opinion is a very harsh and unforgiving genre so even though I like to write poetically.. I'd rather not step there lest I slip. -Additionally, as a piece describing a walk home on one of my many debatably regular nights.. I thought story form would be more immersive and relatable? -would you say?

Uhm.. heavy? -is that how semicolons are seen?
Honestly, I'm not too close with the writing community or anyone who reads/writes. In my opinions semicolons give a nice brisk cut, a sort of quick and breathless transition [longer than a "-" and not as abrupt]. It would seem rather "light" in the reading of a sentence than "heavy". Is it not so?

[James Winter]

I do like your will to try out something new - a whole novel written in such a poetic language could feel like a long read, but considering the shortness of the story, you may be right - if anything this is a very personal style which is sure to catch the reader's attention and that's always a good thing! So if you don't feel like writing poetry, don't ponder too much upon my comment on that part.

As to the semicolon; all forms of punctuation can seem heavy if they're used too much. I remember once meeting a guy who was opposed to anyone using more than two exclamation marks in a story. I thought that was a bit too restrictive but his idea is clear - overuse of marks works the same way as overuse of words. It gets heavy and cluttered. Try to view it like someone using the name of a character when they could instead write 'she':

"Maria disagreed. "I am not happy", Maria said and Maria was right in her anger - Maria had been mistreated."

It seems heavy because it's used constantly, but if some of the names are replaced with 'she', it's a more smooth read. The same goes for semicolons; they can be a clever addition in the story, but because they are not as used today as they used to be, they can easily appear heavy (or perhaps, repetitive is a better word to use) to a reader who's not used to them. So it's merely a tip! (: