One Night

I am

Possibly

A dream--

Only

 

A wish.

I am

The ivory

Goddess

 

Statue

Awakened

By your

Kiss.

 

You remember

My scent,

See the

Lipstick aura

 

Trailing

Behind me.

I have

Escaped

 

The water

Stained

Glass

In which

 

I was

Buried.

I am

True,

 

But fleeting

Like the

Fantasy

Of old.

 

I am

Perfected

In ghostly

Eye.

 

Dreams last

A night--

Only

One night.

 

Author's Note

I am needing help working this, if you please. Please give harsh feedback if you've got it!

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

Because of your "Author's Note"... you're brave!! lol Too many caps, skip the puncts because some of them are wrong, distract and confuse ...like the "single quote", it would look better written out as a sentence-form poem... though it would be different than your others, 1st half: optimistic/dreamy/sexy/gorgeous. Second half: finale'/sharp/stoic/realist. ............This is not intended to sound sexual, but I wish I could jump into this dream or your bed to help "continue" this poem even further. It stops either too early or doesn't say as much in the end, besides the sarcastic threat of you realizing that this dream is fleeting and you don't possess the strength or know-how in keeping it going, but the beginning is beautiful and sets a stage of speed, beauty, and a time worth spent... dreaming about a dream that is going to be dreamed!! Beautiful Caitlin Lea. I vote "100" on any that I comment on. : ) No one knows that. xoxo -Your Mark

[Caitlin Lea]

Oh, goodness! Those blasted quotation marks show up when I copy and paste a dash like this -- Writer's Cafe can't deal with that apparently. Forgot to fix it this time. Ha.

Thanks for your input. I do feel like it isn't complete, myself. However, I almost don't know if I CAN complete it...if that makes sense. It's the nature of my subject.

Anyway, thanks again very much!

[Patrick Henry]

I like it. I have a poem called "The Rose" that was thrown in the trash and saved, like other poems I've done. Found out: People like that poem. : ) Other poems were used for "notes" and ideas that made themselves into even more poems!! lol Though most of my poems were accidental, in timing, some were done as a project to see what I could come up with. They ended up cheesy, children's, and/or dark. Again, that's pretty brave to allow for "brutal" honesty" on any poem!! lol Try uploading something crazy-sounding and see what people say. : ) xoxo -Mark

[Caitlin Lea]

You're right that sometimes we are the hardest on ourselves. And it's good to remember that the first draft of something doesn't have to be (and probably SHOULDN'T be) the final draft. :)

I have a poem called "The Rose" too...how funny....

[Patrick Henry]

My rose; your rose.... NOW!! lol I read a story by Baudelaire, and in that story "he's a poet" he talks of how he had some 30 or 40 poems where he ALWAYS corrected and rewrote them throughout his life until that specific poem was published. Where he had to go from there was when he wrote something different, like a play for someone, he'd change the words.... to "suit" the project. He couldn't get away from the very fact that the "final project" is never truly finished!! I hope I have helped to some degree because this was a lot of fun and I really enjoy you. I'm going to have to pick a favorite of yours and "shelve" you to remember you!! xoxo -Your Mark

[Caitlin Lea]

Haha...glad my poems are enjoyable! We should definitely post our "Rose" poems to compare. That would be rather fun. :)

[Patrick Henry]

My poems are already up!! I have about 220+ poems that cover every genre' you can dream up.... They're in alphabetical order going from Y back to A. xoxo -Mark

[Kamran Javed]

nicely done

[Sarah LaMascus]

Why do you think you need help on this one so badly? It's not a bad piece... I'm also a little inexperienced with critique and constructive criticism but in all honesty I have nothing for this piece

[Caitlin Lea]

I just felt really anxious about it at the time. It feels disjointed in a way...maybe incomplete. So it may not be bad, but I am not altogether happy with it...ha. Such is life!

Thanks for reading!

[Sarah LaMascus]

You're welcome :) and if you feel it's unfinished then by all means. I am always rewriting lol which helps me write better.