Brown Eyes

Brown hair, brown eyes

Eyes brighter than the sky

He makes me laugh; he makes me cry.

I don't know why.

He makes me laugh like no one else.

I like him more than I like myself.

I can't bare to see him with anyone else.

I think I'm in love, and it's not hard to tell.

I wish he was mine, but sadly he's not.

I really, really like him a lot.

When he walks in the room my face gets hot.

There's no way to make it stop.

He's six foot two inches tall.

Somebody please catch me before I fall.

I want his love; I want it all.

Too bad he doesn't like me at all.

Reviews

[Temerity]

Hey there Caitlin! Okay, so I'd like to preemptively warn you that I happen to be a rather harsh reviewer of poetry, so don't take anything I say too personally.

You're being held back a lot by the rhyme scheme. Your poem sounds more like lyrics than a poem, lacking much depth or originality. It would be nice to see you step outside of the box and really try something new. Giving your poem a unique spin is very, very important, particularly when you are covering a topic as frequent as love. Because of that, it is of the utmost importance that you make this your own. Try to find more unique qualities beyond "Brown hair, brown eyes." Think instead about why you fell for him...the quirkiest, most unreasonable reasons ever. Maybe you adore the fact that he's a bit of a nerd with glasses and a fetish for Kurt Vonnegut novels, or maybe he's a jock who happens to be more down-to-earth and compassionate than most. Whatever. Find what makes him different, and bring that out in your poetry.

And when it comes to rhyming poetry, you cannot let it get the best of you by hindering your creativity and word choice. Write a couple of lines a dozen different ways to find a unique phrase if you must, but don't rhyme "sky" and "cry" simply because it's easy. Rhyming poetry can be a bit of extra work to make it sound good, but it's important that you don't let the rhyme scheme hinder you.

Anyway, as I said, I'm a tough critic on poetry, particularly rhyming poetry and, even more particularly, love poems. This wasn't meant to be harsh, but constructive. Your writing has plenty of potential and I'd love to see you only improve it further.

Keep writing, and best wishes.

[caitlin_nicoel17]

Thank you very much for this review, I appreciate your honest feedback.