NoTitle

any ideas for a title?

and the pain goes feral, digging deeper than
you ever intended to allow, it reaches
thin air and scrambles,
a running panic.

and don't forget to breathe, supply your
body with oxygen as the cells stretch in the
agony of fear...

because they touched
sensitive skin,
and the memory of fingertips burns
the membrane and stains the hope you held,
quietly in the dark, you held it tightly,
and it fractured under the pressure of
all your faith

Author's Note

be brutal - it's healthy.

Reviews

[Cliff Rhodes]

Hi Casey,
You really have something very nice here and it is so expressive. Don't lose the punch of the thoughts by letting the lines string out like a sentence. Write it as each thought is delivered, one emphatic thought at a time. I have read lots of writers here and I got my best ideas from some of the really good ones, not necessarily from school or books. It is just a logical thing to do, to put down one idea or phrase at a time and not lose your power by continuing into a sentence type thing with commas. Somehow the written word really affects the mind by letting it totally grasp the thoughts quickly with as few words as possible in the line, just solely for this type of emotional pros. I don't think you really need to worry about ryhmes in this particular piece because it is all about quick fire emotion.

This one is really soul stirring. Cliff

[Valorie J. Shearer]

Depending on the meaning behind your words is how I would begin to title this piece. Is it about love, death, or maybe just pain. That's how I title my work; think of how, and why your words are so powerful, in which they are! Take care~~~