A Thirst

I wrote this yesterday - thought it was good, so let me know what you think :)

 

grown, a weed under

some giant bush –

 

could you show some

compassion?

dig up my roots and

bury me deeply so these

thorns and blooms

will never be seen, but

 

let it be in some vacant field,

where I can still feel the sun...

 

for I thirst for warmth

even as I grow dark. 

Reviews

[Phantom Heart]

Very good, very well written, nice topic, and a marvelously beautiful point. "for I thirst for warmth even as i grow dark" brilliant

[radian7]

I like the tight clean writing packed with visuals, questions, and statements. Nice!

[Travis Lawrence]

All three poems you entered into my contest have to be under consideration to win a prize. I love the metaphor and the imagery, the personification, and how swift your poetry moves... it's refreshing. Thank you for sharing your work!

[[untitled]]

This is good. The image really came through. I thought the sturcture was perfect. The whole poem flowed well. Good work!