The Regular

beat this out just yesterday - it was well-received on some other sites, so I thought I would try it out here.

busy cafe
with sights, smells, bodies pressing all over my senses and
I scream inside, needing to get out.

But you don't see that, no
you see a body in poetic clothes with stringy, frizzed
and wavy brown hair tucked insidea clip,
damp from the drizzle outside.

You see her shoulders curled in, warding,
and her fingers possessive around a mug.

Her body guards a notebook and her
eyes glare anxiously at scribbled words that you
can't decipher.

Poet, you think.
Poorand lost wihtin her thoughts or
a novelist writing the next Great.

But actually she is something more simple,
a human drinking tea, making a list
and wondering  why
she doesn't end the pain,
because all the pressing against her senses
reminds her that she is alone

and loneliness is distracting.
And she is tired of writing sad poems.

Author's Note

honesty: flow, imagery, does it emotionally include the reader, etc (be brutal, ink it out)

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

Well, this definitely emotionally included me. Particularly because I aligned myself with the narrator, rather than the 'you'. Apart from a few typos I can't really think of anything to criticise right now. Usually I would get a little bored of reading poems about depressed poets but I think you manage to avoid a lot of clich�s and give the poem a lot more depth than many. Very well written. NH

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

great images - great writing

[thecoolone52]

yeah i liked that alot.... i mean the rhyming is on and off i think or maybe you didnt really try to do that? Im not sure but overall it flows. Good imagery and nice structure