Defining the Line

Lunch and that Cafeteria food.

But I,

Have a brown bag a miracle bag…with cookies.

    Lard-based cookies that

I don’t particularly like.

   I open that packet,

The rustle of calories

Building on my butt, breasts, body.

 

    I am nine years old.

 

Impressionable and overemotional

As so unused to

Defending myself, the youngest of three

Lowest of the food chain, I never had to

Deal with sisterly abuse,

 

My mom took care of that.

 

Shut doors, avoidance

Took care of that.

 

So the whisper hit hard-

that slimy almost preteen who voiced

“No wonder she’s so fat.”

 

Shock, the awe-factor

The I-can’t-believe-he-would-say-that-in-front-of-me

Factor

I wonder what they say when I’m gone…

 

Blood quickly drains and leaves face pale

And then the flush comes,

Turing cheeks, nose, forehead a bright red.

 

Then comes the recovery, the instant damage control complete with

An urgent bathroom run – yes, this is an emergency.

I spit, sputter Oreo lard, the graininess in my mouth

Now a sickening plop in the

Toilet I think I’m going to be sick.

 

Not the first time. Not the last.

 

The day moves on as if nothing happened as feet find their path

Bus, home homework, dinner-
No dessert.

 

Anger. I fear it hate it but it

Rushes at me and still, somehow

I only react as people expect, tears, whines, or

Silence.

 

Years later and

my doctor says I am perfect in my roundness

And I can’t…I won’t…

Trust is hard to rebuild.

 

Then the truth comes softly and painfully when

Skinny girls sporting various hues

say with encouragement

 

“daaaaammmn” whenever I am

Brave enough to flash a bit of skin.

 

 

So forget you and your opinions, no one is listening

Your words can’t limit me anymore – I’m drawing the line.

So screw it so well that your bubble world goes limp

And moldable and your mind fogs to distant.

 

Not afraid, huh?

Not so meek anymore,

I shave my grudging outrage years after

This clay mold hardens,

Unfortunately still polite, mild and very solid.

 

And soon, anger isn’t so unreasonable,

illegal.

 

I might have a breast reduction before I’m twenty-five and I

Might prefer to drink OJ with pizza rather than soda, and

Maybe when I was little I swallowed a few too many

Ego-inflated pills

In the form of comments, favors, and abuses…

 

But if I cut my wrist and you cut yours

We will both die bleeding the same shade of red, and

I bet,

I bet that my overemotional and defined blood will

Stain longer,

Run stronger

And die faster than yours, quiet without complaint

No loose ends scrambling to clutch me to this earth.

 

I will find freedom in the fact

That my existence was defined by no one, nothing but me.

Reviews

[Kevin Andros]

It seems that you have trying to portray a realistic picture out of a normal person's life. Being the youngest in the family, being pampered, overfed, weight consicous, etc.

But what makes this so special about this 'normal' write is that the usage of strong words! You got a strong vocabulary and that's made the poem so special. Nice.

I can almost see you shouting 'Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnn'.

~KA~

[Lyra H]

That is amazing...so inspiringly raw and real...

[Lexy]

I cannot tell if you made this out of your imagination or if this is true. I complement you on that. I know someone who is roughly 9 years (I'm not exactly sure) who's overweight and most likely faces exactly like you described. God job on this piece!

[[untitled]]

This is a fantastic poem. I feel your pain for sure. Been there and it sucks this is a great poem.

[Zephyr]

This is a very standout, strong and emotional piece. I really like it.

[Sarah]

Wow, an amazing work. Such a struggle the protagonist has to overcome. It's a very powerful piece that really gets you to thinking about how you treat other people. Again, such an amazing work.

[Emily B]

An Amazing Journey!!!!

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

hmm first let me tell you i feel your pain i fight the weight thing my self tho i am a dude and i am not that heavy, i am like 275 and i would love to be at about 225... its all about will power and strength of mind over body, but i am not here to preach... this was a beautiful worded poem and the images tho heartaching were truly felt and interepreted and understood.
now for the biggy... what does this have to do with the contest? i wanted to know what you were going to do with the next year of your life not what you thought of your self... if you can give me a good reason why this should be included then i will leave it in if not the i am sorry you did not write what i was looking for... but it is an inspiring poem don't let this diswayed you, you have tallent and it was well written. thanks.

[xXx JakBeNimble xXx]

beautiful i loved it...

[youngwriter222]

this is so deep and I love it cause you express everything in it which is hard for people.
And just remember what others say don't matter, just be yourself. Try not to let them get to you.

This was so great to read