evenings // afterthought

half past 7 

petrichor: the only discernible element 

intangible 

yet the only thing i can grasp 

fictional beings inside my television 

the only thing non-static 

in a room colored noir 

my hair all a mess, knotted from split ends to roots 

stemming from godforsaken mothers and maple-colored fathers 

the sweetest souls i never knew

Author's Note

finally found some inspiration after not having a muse for a while! please be aware that this is the first piece I've written in a hot second so uh gentle criticism would be appreciated :)

Reviews

[Laura Kate]

Your poetry is raw and real ,and I really respect this. I am enjoying reading your work, keep it up!
Laura.

[Coyote Poetry]

Wonderful use of words and thoughts. I did like the ending. I have enjoyed your work and please send me read request. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Einstein Noodle]

16 years old!! well God bless you for picking up a pen and paper to write it all down ... its so important in this quickie tweet and twitter world of today .. welcome to the Cafe' ..i hope you find it a great place to share and learn ... speaking of which..thank you for my new word for the day ..petrichor ... its a beauty!! i like your poem for several reasons .. i get the sense it is a keep it real write .. the language is colorful yet kind of street wise .. you build a creative tension slowly that peaks in your closing .. and perhaps some snarky sarcasm in the final line ... absolutely love the "...room colored noir" ... for 16 you are well read i am guessing .. and not a light weight when it comes to the internal world ... thanks for sharing this .. sending you a FR .. i want to do my best to follow your writing ..peace and joy Nearly Blonded ...
E.

[Nearly Blonded]

this means a lot to me thank you sm!

[adichie]

Love the metaphors for confusion, everything from the oncoming rain to tv in the midst of stillness, to thoroughly tangled hair (which at 16 I could definitely relate to - my hair is still waist length to this day).

I can even relate to the maple coloured folk on your family tree. :):)

So much honesty packed into a very few lines, and a very few years!!! You are a talent, that is certain.

Deb :)

[Nearly Blonded]

this is really motivating to me as i really would love to write poetry for a living one day. thanks for your lovely reviews :)

[barleygirl]

This feels like a scattering of vivid palpable observations upon smelling that first rain scent (I love petrichor, which is a new word for me!) As a technicality, in poetry, it's more likely to spell out a short number like "seven" (fifty-nine thousand and eighty-eight could be done in numerals!) Your details are original & fresh, such as describing hair "split ends to roots" and that haunting last line. My personal preference is to NOT over-explain when writing . . . leave a little something for the reader to figure out, to fill in the blanks, to relate to one's own experiences. That is a central strength of your writing, in my view. I love how you leave the ending with just a hint of this narrator's history (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[roarke]

heh, ya made me look up the word petrichor... didn't know there was a name for that. thanks. There should be a perfume called Petrichor... anyway, what a great homage to "being" you've created in whole cloth here. You touch the now, the moment and then that Cistine finger touch spark throws open the universe of past present future epiphany. I like the dual impression of the line "fictional beings inside my television." On an actual tv or the one inside our heads, and it fits so well. Impressive writing, and you are only 16????? Don't stop.

[Nearly Blonded]

i appreciate all of these reviews! really encouraging!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i was 16 once...and i did not understand my parents or their logic at all...i despised them...i never understood tough love...i do now, and learned long before they were gone....they are always on my mind now...i miss them...and when i look back on those days...i understand them more than ever.
but for me...it was the music that got me through...the music, the old rock songs i identified with..the lyrics of parents not understanding us...
many nights like that. I like where this took me...a very mature writing that is open-ended which is perfect for poetry. Allows each reader to relate.

j.