Pursuit of Ethicality

     People often remark to me that the day I stepped into the all-black Volvo, on my way to another state, city, and life, that they could actually see the despair and grief in my eyes through the tinted window. This was followed by sudden texts and calls with content of support and sorrow.  This only made the 8 mile 14 hour drive from Denver to Dallas seem like an eternity.  As my dad was explaining to my mom the new and exciting opportunities that his new job will provide, and my older brother complaining in the seat next to me about his anxiety of the first day of his high school career, I sat in silent, deep thought.  The only thing on my mind was the life that I left behind, if one can imagine being the star of the local football team, having all the friends & getting all the girls, multiply that by 5 and that's how good I had it. I was practically the king of Pomona. And to leave all of that, moving to the unknown, just seemed unethical.  Going from a small and comfortable 4a school to a massive 6a was the work of Satan in my view.

     The day I entered my house was a confusing day.  I got the sense that I felt right in this town, but at the same time I got the idea of not being able to fit in.  Thoughts of sitting alone at lunch, being picked last, and sitting home every weekend took place in my sweating and worrying head.  Of course my parents tried to convince me that this town will be just like Pomona, but that was my expected response from them.  I knew better not to get cocky.  I tried telling myself, though, that it will be okay.  Things get sketchy when you don't trust yourself, though.

     After my first day at Prosper Jr. High, I think it is safe to say that my sleep was completely substituted with memories of the day itself. With the combination of me being late to the first football practice, which got me yelled at by the coach in front of the whole grade.  Along with sitting at a table filled with empty seats, being pushed to the ground in the main hallway, and getting trampled until a teacher came to help me up.  Not one word was said that included me that day.  This was way too much like the TV shows, I kept telling myself.  It was only one day, I told myself. Well, "one day" ended up being a few days. Then a week. Then 2. Then I finally caught my first break by finally being asked to sit at a table filled with people who seemed like nice kids.  One who had a John Elway jersey on, which sparked my first conversation of the year.  This ended up not only being the table that I sat with everyday for the rest of my Jr. High career, but they became my best friends. Lucky for me, they were considered the cool kids of the school. From that point on, life flowed at a really good pace for a solid 2 years.  I would've never guessed how high school ended up.

     The first day in Prosper High School started at exactly 8:25.  Things were going fluently, I knew where all my classes were, the coaches all loved me, and I loved my life.  His name was Syler Gabel.  The new kid in this huge school.  He was in the football program with all of us, and he actually wasn't a bad cornerback or receiver, which earned my respect.  But the second Syler sat down at a table during lunch, I couldn't help myself but to try & rub my eyeballs dry before a tear dripped right in front of my friends.  I could tell exactly what he was thinking. He missed his old school, he missed his friends, he was nervous, and worst, he was unsure.  It took my 5 seconds to walk from my table to his deserted one.  I can't recall any word that was exchanged between either of us, but I can guarantee that my those 30 minutes probably made his day. The next day, the same thing went on. But his time, he sparked dialogue by complimenting my Stanford shirt, and he mentioned that his dad played quarterback there.  I liked Syler, the spark in his voice had no cockiness or brag in it, but it had a humbleness that you couldn't help but like the kid.  I kept sitting with him for about 2 or 3 weeks, along with questioning from my friends, but all I had to answer with was the fact that he was interesting.

     Around the end of September was when I no longer sat with Syler Gabel at the scarce table.  But, there was a seat that I left open next to me at my friends table. I gave him a wave to  come over here and none of my friends seemed to mind.  As time took its toll,  he began to fit in, identically like I did 2 years ago and not a day goes by when Syler and I talk.  He has been my friend all through high school and has always been there.  But, everyday after that first day of high school, I wrote something on my mirror in the bath room. If anyone ever looks, they will find a quote that says "When the power of love is stronger than the power of love, then all people will know peace".  This reflects how my whole life in Prosper, Texas, has been based not off of my happiness, but by what I thought was essential.  I vowed that day to never allow it to happen again, and to make people happy.  Others don't deserve to be the kid who sit all alone at school, who struggles to find a partner in class, who gets pushed around in the locker room, or doesn't even get a fair chance at life.  But, the only flaw in this sinful cycle, is the ability to beat it. The ability to stand up for the lonely kids. To stand up for the kids who are uncapable to socialize, because God has a purpose on the planet for them, and they can't do it with their head in the pillow every night, thinking if they should keep living or not. 

Just, be the person that in 20 years, someone will go up to you and say, "Because of you, I knew how it felt to be acknowledged. Because of you, I never gave up."

-Cade