Return from the dark place

 

The dark place

You created for us

Is no longer a part of me

I hacked it up and spit it out

In sinewy, slimy pieces

Then I buried it

All while humming our song.

 

Now the dark place you created for us

Is slowly seeping into my dreams…

No! My nightmares

And lurks in dark corners

At night

And I remember

How incapacitated I felt

Anytime you were near me

 

Days go by and sometimes I am shocked

To know that I exist alone

Peacefully, without your presence

Looming over my every action

Thought, decision, breath

The damaged part of my soul

Hurts to realize what I once accepted

As my truth

Not your warped sense of

A relationship

Us, me, you to be married?

I feel an immense amount of shame…

 

And so I talk nice to myself

I tell myself there is no point in punishing myself

You did that for me for far too long.

 

I sometimes wonder if I will find someone

Who wants to hold my hand, be by my side?

And coexist peacefully

I hope I did not waste too much time with you

I pray I will have a good man by my side

Maybe, eventually a family

I am discouraged, I am impatient

I am wondering what I need to learn next

I look for hoops but see none

I look in the mirror and realize

I am not mourning any man anymore                            

I am not missing any of them

Yes, yes, bits and pieces here and there

But no solid ache for any person resides in my soul

And I feel free and ready

And I feel hollow and scared

And I hope to find someone whose arms fit perfectly

Around me and my world. 

 

 

The dark place

You created for us

Is no longer a part of me

I hacked it up and spit it out

In sinewy, slimy pieces

Then I buried it

All while humming our song.

 

Now the dark place you created for us

Is slowly seeping into my dreams…

No! My nightmares

And lurks in dark corners

At night

And I remember

How incapacitated I felt

Anytime you were near me

 

Days go by and sometimes I am shocked

To know that I exist alone

Peacefully, without your presence

Looming over my every action

Thought, decision, breath

The damaged part of my soul

Hurts to realize what I once accepted

As my truth

Not your warped sense of

A relationship

Us, me, you to be married?

I feel an immense amount of shame…

 

And so I talk nice to myself

I tell myself there is no point in punishing myself

You did that for me for far too long.

 

I sometimes wonder if I will find someone

Who wants to hold my hand, be by my side?

And coexist peacefully

I hope I did not waste too much time with you

I pray I will have a good man by my side

Maybe, eventually a family

I am discouraged, I am impatient

I am wondering what I need to learn next

I look for hoops but see none

I look in the mirror and realize

I am not mourning any man anymore                            

I am not missing any of them

Yes, yes, bits and pieces here and there

But no solid ache for any person resides in my soul

And I feel free and ready

And I feel hollow and scared

And I hope to find someone whose arms fit perfectly

Around me and my world. 

 

 

The dark place

You created for us

Is no longer a part of me

I hacked it up and spit it out

In sinewy, slimy pieces

Then I buried it

All while humming our song.

 

Now the dark place you created for us

Is slowly seeping into my dreams…

No! My nightmares

And lurks in dark corners

At night

And I remember

How incapacitated I felt

Anytime you were near me

 

Days go by and sometimes I am shocked

To know that I exist alone

Peacefully, without your presence

Looming over my every action

Thought, decision, breath

The damaged part of my soul

Hurts to realize what I once accepted

As my truth

Not your warped sense of

A relationship

Us, me, you to be married?

I feel an immense amount of shame…

 

And so I talk nice to myself

I tell myself there is no point in punishing myself

You did that for me for far too long.

 

I sometimes wonder if I will find someone

Who wants to hold my hand, be by my side?

And coexist peacefully

I hope I did not waste too much time with you

I pray I will have a good man by my side

Maybe, eventually a family

I am discouraged, I am impatient

I am wondering what I need to learn next

I look for hoops but see none

I look in the mirror and realize

I am not mourning any man anymore                            

I am not missing any of them

Yes, yes, bits and pieces here and there

But no solid ache for any person resides in my soul

And I feel free and ready

And I feel hollow and scared

And I hope to find someone whose arms fit perfectly

Around me and my world.