Little Girl, Don't Close Your Eyes

She is worthless
Just a figment of what she should be
Never right; eternal blunder
The first mistake God ever made
She is scarred
Torn to pieces, in and out
Yearning for a sense of healing
Turned away at every door
She is growing
But inwardly the ghost remains
A childhood lost
A crippled spirit hides in pain
She is fighting
Bobbing just above the water
Waning will
With so few lights to guide her way

Do you notice?
The girl pretending to be strong
She's sinking deeper in the quicksand
Being swallowed up with doubt
Do you see her?
As all the pressure weighs her down
The more she fights the more she falls
And you just stand there...

Little girl
Hiding in your woman's clothing
Don't you know?
There is reason to survive
Little girl
All the things they said were wrong
You can turn away the night
Don't close your eyes...

Author's Note

Its different, I know... You may not grasp the way it flows at first... Like I said, its kind of weird, but this is how it decided to be written. I don't even know what I would consider this. The physical layout isn't exactly the way I had it on paper, but I couldn't make it the same way without it looking weird. I'm curious as to your interpretation of this piece though. Those who know me a little more personally may get it easier than others.

Reviews

[Shante Payne]

Yes, don't close your eyes. I know exactly what you mean. When you live a life filled with very little love and then find love unexpectantly, you're thrown into a turmoil of emotions and maybe you don't think you're strong enough to handle it all, so you want to retreat back to being a little girl with not so many responsibilities. I love this girl, as always. And you are no little girl, maybe deep inside, however you are the strongest woman that I know.

[Manda]

Aww I really enjoyed reading this. From the very beginning I was hooked. Every line speaks such a strong emotion. What a powerful write you have just written! Keep it up! I cant wait to see what new beautiful pieces I have to read next time =)

[RTB]

it was a good kind of different i very much enjoyed it :)

[Natalie]

It was very touching and very true. i took it in the sense that there are people out there in the world that are so broken and lost and we don't realize it. Maybe we're too busy with our own selves to even notice. I also too it as this girls struggles and the state she's in. Beautiful poem, the flow was very nice I loved it

[Haifa]

I guess its different but its good, you r just giving new touch in writing. Well done

[.]

wow-this is a bit too surreal and lucid at the same time
i love the way it's written in with 'slight of hand' imagery
where the first two verses are very emotive and affecting
---then as the last verse starts with "Little girl" the mood
shifts (very kool by the way) and there you find meaning-
but there are a few different meaning that you could take
(again-very kool) so at the end of this poem "Don't close your eyes"
you may need contemplate the meanings (and again-very kool)

...truly this is a magnificent piece of poetry-impressive!!! :)

james:-)

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

It definitely gives off a feeling of being alive but not really living. Looking like someone that you should be and pretending the whole time because no one really sees the truth; on the inside the girl is still just a girl, wandering and afraid.
I think the idea of your poem is really good and the way that you present it is also done well.
The only thing that might be a problem is when you use the word 'you' in the second stanza. The only reason that this might propose a problem is because in the second stanza 'you' is the audiance, but in the third stanza, the word 'you' is meant to be the woman/girl. That can cause some confusion. Other than that, everything was good.

[Ruth]

Its a lovely flow sweet :)
A deep and haunting reflective poem, sometimes strength isn't realised, even though its there!
Awesome poem
xx

[James Watts]

As with writing stories, it is best to let the work write itself. I liked the flow and the style. The message came through clearly and the voice was a strong one that demanded to be heard. Nice work.